I must like to torture myself... I watched A&E Intervention... Young man named Dillon... mom named Tammy.... grandparents brother other family members... Dillon was hostile and ugly... didn't want to go... they forced him to go finally... he got kicked out after a month.... My heart hurts so bad... i know Tammy's fears... I know what she meant when she said tell me what to do... I'll do anything... I know she's dreading the day the phone rings... or there's a knock on the door.... who delivers the news and how don't matter.... Her child will be dead... and part of her will be too... and Dillon... he don't even get it.... How would he like it if someone knocked on the door and told him his mama was dead... that she killed herself because she couldn't take the waiting and the fear anymore... It makes me so mad because Cara wanted to go... and I couldn't get her in.... Dillon I wish I could tell you how I feel...My baby's dead and I dont' know when I'll stop crying....
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I don\'t think it\'s torture, but it IS torture, but watching and experiencing things like that is courageous and necessary. You can\'t changed what happened with Cara and you\'ll spend the rest of your life wanting to. Hiding from it, from things that are all around us, won\'t make them disappear and it won\'t make it any easier to deal with by ignorning them. I think it makes you so strong and gives meaning to Cara, her life, your part in it...don\'t you see? Of course you can\'t, because the tears cloud it all :) I know, and yet I don\'t...not what you\'ve experienced and continue to. I love you...
All you can do is keep on keeping on. You are doing a good job and Cara would be proud of you. You are a great mom.
OH ELISSA YOUR HEART IS SO BIG YOU HURT FOR OTHERS TOO EVEN THOUGH YOUR OWN PAIN IS SO EMENSE. THIS IS WHAT MAKES YOU ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE TO A MOVEMENT THAT CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE, YOU ARE SPECIAL AND WHEN YOU\'RE ABLE YOU WILL DO GREAT THINGS FOR OTHER HURTING FAMILIES AND CARA WILL BE GIVING YOU STRENGTH TO DO SO. SO STAY FOCUSED ON THE THINGS YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IN CARA\'S MEMORY, THE THINGS THAT WILL CHANGE OTHER PEOPLES LIVES, YOU CAN AND WILL DO IT ELISSA... ((((I KNOW YOU CAN)))) LOVE YOU LADY!!!! LOVE KIMMIE
((((Elissa))))) I could say \"don\'t do that\" but would you stop? I think we have a need to watch, read, see others going through the same tragedies that we have in order to prepare ourselves to reach out to those who are hurting, and in some way to know that our experience is \"normal\", what we are feeling is normal for the circumstances. Love you.
I\'m with you. Love & hugs.
Elissa, we will cry together for our babies. I am here for you. Love, lana