I hate going places... I can't talk... I have to put my sunglasses on because I keep starting to cry... had to go to a diabetic class this morning... but I made it... perhaps it will start getting better if I keep doing it... but if it doesn't... ahhhh well.... and I'm supposed to be going back to work... yeah right... how do I get through a job interview... much less go to work... I know its taking too long... Hell I didn't choose this... I promise if I had choices I wouldn't have chosen this...
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I am right here with ya. I keep saying I am going to go back to school and finish what I had started but just cant right now. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy staying home but I just cant seem to concentrate on just one thing for a period of time. You are not alone.
((((Elissa)))) Who says it\'s taking to long? There are no rules. It is still very early for you...be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling...without expectations or undue guilt. We didn\'t choose this but we can choose to honor our feelings. Love you.
I had to go back to work 2 weeks after Chris died-I look back and don\'t really know how I did it-how I kept things organized-how I was able to plan therapy, etc.-I think for me it actually kept me sane-I cried on the way to school, cried at lunch, cried all the way home, collapsed ever night by 8 pm. But during the day, with my kids, it kept me sane-it kept my mind occupied and made me go to another place which I do believe kept me sane. It is hard and everyone has to do what is best for them-I say I had no choice-that\'s silly, of course I did-but had I chosen not to go back we would have lost our home, our health insurance, everything-and I knew Chris would have been livid with me! He knew I loved my kids and I actually felt him there with me many many times. But sweetie-you have to take this at your own pace-and if you are diabetic-for goodness sake-make sure you put your health first-and you know that adding more stress will just blow your sugar levels-so you do what you know you can do-we love you. Sandy
Hey Elissa....Timmy turned 27 July 10th. He died at age 3. You know I still go there....so who says its been too long?
You know what makes me happy? Hearing the kids talk about Timmy. Making up the imaginary stories of all our loved ones together. Knowing all the crew knows and understands and shares in my fantasies.
You are under a lot of stress right now. You know you have to get a handle on your health issues.
Consider writting to some local companies and offer your services for outsourcing projects they might have like typing, call center, etc. That will take some of the pressure off until you can go out into the world again. When all else fails .... feel the tingling of Cara\'s touch in your hand. Love Ya, Kathy
Please trust in yourself. You havemore inner strength than you realize. You can do this, and if you cry a little or break down a lot, so what. I do it all the time and I\'m still here. You can do this. Love & hugs.
Take it all one day at a time.... *hugs*
I just wanted to share this and I\'ll be back later to write some more... thank yall for your comments... *Smile*
I went back to work one week after Cara died... but the stress was too much... Cara died Oct 30th... by the 1st of Dec... I was in the hospital... complications for diabetes... so then a week later I was back at work... using IV antibiotics delivered through a central line... it made the cost of my insurance go up... Jan 10th I ended up without a job... I was so humiliated I just wanted to quit... I\'d struggled through it all... and still got shafted... What can I say... it hurt more than I could take... but I didn\'t volunteer to give up... I really did try and my boss deliberately jacked me over... as he said... it was a business decision... I\'ve long said basically the world could care less if you live or die... unless you\'re in their way... and then would you please drop dead and get out of the way... I don\'t mean to be so bitter... and I know you do care... but a lot of the world... just doesn\'t... I honestly am still stunned that Keith could have been so cold... It was just about 3 months prior that he and his wife were thanking me for having stood by them so strongly while he had cancer... funny... but its not...
I pray that you will find the way to help you out of this and give you some peace. You need to give yourself time and have the patience to do just that. Losing a child would have to be the worst thing that could ever happen and you are not going to \"get over it\" for a very long time if ever. Therefore you must trust in the love that you shared with your dear daughter to help you through this. As far as your old boss is concerned I would write him a note thanking him for his consideration in your time of need and remind him of the time that you stood by him. It may not do anything but just maybe it mght prick his concence enough that he does not do it to someone else. People like him need to be reminded sometimes. Big hugs for you and tons of love.
Roz.