Today is starting out very emotional... The first thing was a card from a friend... so I cried about that... LOL  then a poem... I'm copying it here so you can perhaps be comforted as I was... Its a hard poem to read if you've watched someone you love destroy themselves through substance abuse, suicide or other destructive causes.  I cried because it hurts so much not to have been able to fix it... and I cried because it helps to put things into words... and I cried for all of you who hurt like I do...  but still I'm grateful for the person who put it into words so well..  My heart aches for her/him and I wonder how their loved one passed...    Reflection.Another day for you to wonder, another day for you to mournIt wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawnMy pain was deep within my heart and troubled headIt wasn't my intention to go without words said.My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them sayIt wasn't my intention not to see another dayI did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much painIt wasn't my intention to never to see you again.Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsureIt wasn't my intention to suddenly close life's doorIf only I could give you reasons and brush the tears awayIt wasn't my intention to leave you and not stay.I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cryIt wasn't my intention to leave you, forever asking whyAs the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heartIt wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart.   Author Unknown I didn't share this to make your pain worse...  I hope you understand I share a great deal of what I do in the hopes it will help you.  I am helped to know I'm not alone in this struggle.    The final thought well at least for now... The hugs and the care that accompanies them, the thoughtful and insighful comments on my journals....  They overwhelm me.  How do I tell you how much they are appreciated.  I don't know... but I want you to know I do truly appreciate the love and support I have found here.  People that I don't know... who don't know me... many who have become almost like family...  You all give so generously day after day.  You are a blessing... Hugs ElissaI Love You You hurt... you know you do... I know you do... I didn't leave because you didn't love me or I didn't love you God took me home because my pain was more than I could bear He took me home to heaven... a home someday we'll share You'll see me in the faces of our loved ones for whom we love and care You'll see me in your memories of days and times we share I'll come to you through every trial and season I'll come to say I love you and come again for no reason I'll come because I want to see you I'll come to reassure and comfort too Take care of my loved ones including you I implore Someday when you come to join me I'll meet you here at heaven's door I'll Love You For AlwaysGeez sometimes I have a hard time  writing... I worry if this is about me and my ego... How do people share these things that sometimes bring us such comfort.... Do they share my worries and concerns that their efforts will be misunderstood... Ah well... enough of worrying...  If I'm misguided so be it...