So my brain is going at 1,000 miles an hour... and I decided to get online and write... and by the time I get here I'm hesitant... but what the hey... maybe if I write what I'm really thinking someone else might be struggling with similar thoughts and it will help them...I admire people who don't depend on others for their self value... Unfortunately all too often I am not one of them... so today I'm asking God to help me respect myself more and to quit relying so heavily on other people's opinions to hold me up...  I do want and need friends... but I really do need to be my own friend first...  Oh man I'm wanting to write like... do you understand???  Its so important to us to have other people validate what we feel... How do we get past that?  Perhaps we don't... Perhaps we just have to acknowledge it and work around it...  I don't know for sure but I'm working on it...Yall take care... Hugs Elissa 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes, we need to go to God first and not man. I struggle with that to so I completely understand what you mean. Here if you want to talk.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes. I do understand...just know that I love you. Kat
deleted_user
deleted_user

I understand completely, we need to have our feelings validated it\'s human nature, but sometimes others have different opinions than ours, then we people please so that they accept us. You need friends and God. That doesn\'t mean your being weak, just don\'t let there feelings be your feelings. You are your own person with your own opinions, and if you share something with someone and they don\'t agree allow them there feeling, accept how they feel and move on, don\'t use how they feel and transfer there mood to your self. I use to be a people pleaser, it almost killed me...you can\'t make them happy if your not happy. I hope I going in the right direction...if you need to talk let me know, I have more on this subject.
Sandy
deleted_user
deleted_user

Elissa,Only people who have walked in our shoes can understand us.We\'ll never be who we were before.Some times that\'s for the best.But we have to learn to accept & LIKE The new us.it doesn\'t matter what other people think if we don\'t like ourself.It\'s a long hard road we walk,& not easy to go it alone.i\'ve found that the key for me is to stay busy..Work,volunteer,do a craft..Being around others helps us forget our problems,,not our kids.Not everyone needs to know we lost a child,then the ?? start & its really no ones business,unless we want them to knowi\'m the person I am becauseof having my son in my life..I\'m the person I am NOW,because he\'s no longer w/me.Somewhere in there is the real me.Your faith will help you to get thru this..Remember ,Like who u are..Don\'t worry what otheres think..Where are they in the middle of the night when your crying & feeling lost??U can do this..we aresurvivors.Stay Strong!! love,E
deleted_user
deleted_user

((((Elissa)))) I think the need to feel validated, particularly after losing one\'s child, is sooooo normal...it is what tells us we are not totally out of bounds. Grief takes a huge toll on us and erodes our self confidence and feelings of self worth. Be gentle with you. Love you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Elissa, I too need to be validated. It\'s perfectly normal. And yes you do need to be your own friend first. I am mostly my own worst enemy. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have been struggling so hard with my self respect & confidence since Leo died. I totally know where you are coming from.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Self Esteem and self respect...I also struggle with the same issues. All to often we/I forget that it\'s not the quantity of friends but the quality of friends that is important. I may not have a dozen friends but I have a handful I could count on in a pinch. But decide a number of years ago that I would have to learn to like myself and be my own friend. Hard stuff to do at times. Hugs, Vera ~ Erick\'s mom