Ok... I'm thinking of bombarding my state reps... senators etc etc etc... So here's some of my thoughts I want to share with them... and I'd like your input... Cara was born September 9, 1976. Cara fought a losing battle with first prescription drugs, then illegal drugs and finally alcohol. I begged and Cara also begged for help. Cara was diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorder. We were told she needed long term inpatient care. In spite of all our efforts to get help for her long term inpatient care was not available. So she was given a hand full of prescriptions for psychotropic drugs and released from the detox center. Her life continued to spiral out of control. In all honesty all of our lives were devastated. We all knew, including Cara that if she didn't get help she was in very real danger of dying. Cara was killed when she was struck by a car while walking up the access ramp at Perkins on I-10W at 3:05am October 30, 2007. They shut the interstate down for several hours. I picture that scene... I wonder how much it cost the state of Louisiana to scrape my daughter's remains off the interstate. I wonder how much it cost in overtime pay for all the people who were called out to the scene. Its a bit short sighted. Without effective intervention our children are costing the states a lot of money. Directly and indirectly. Cara was unable to work so she couldn't add to our nation's wealth by helping produce goods and services which make up our nations GNP... the measure of a nations wealth is measured in terms of what it produces... She was unable to be a good parent during this time. I remain concerned about the impact of what my grandchildren went through during the last few years of her life, her death, and all the years ahead. I've been in and out of the hospital since her death. I lost my job so I'm no longer contributing to our nation's GNP either. In terms of human suffering... you all know the costs are incalculable. Since Cara's death I have been trying to find the strength to get people involved in starting a movement to demand that we try harder to provide effective treatment for people who are suffering from addiction/emotional problems. I say and truly believe that my daughter was murdered by indifference. Until Cara's death my main concern was my child. Now I believe I should have been working all along for everyone's child. A story goes something like this... In the beginning... they came for the handicapped. I was silent. I thanked God I wasn't handicapped. Then they came for the mentally disturbed and the retarded... Again I was silent I thanked God I wasn't mentally disturbed or retarded. Then they came for my neighbor. Once more I kept my mouth shut. I shook my head and thanked God it wasn't for me... Then they came for me... And there was no one left to speak for me.I find it sad that we tend to blame the parents when anything goes wrong. As a parent who has lost a child to mental illness/substance abuse I finally know how it feels to have the whole world... including myself blaming me... In the beginning it was a woman's son down the street that I did not know. I wondered with my neighbors what had gone on in that household to have caused it. I shook my head and thanked God it wasn't for someone I knew... Then it was a neighbor's child... Again I wondered with my neighbors what those parents should have or should not have done to prevent such a thing from happening... I shook my head and thanked God that I hadn't known them all that well... Then it was a friend's child... I couldn't imagine what she had or hadn't done but surely she should have been able to prevent it I thanked God that it wasn't my child... So now its my child... My neighbors wonder what I did or didn't do that caused this. I've grown used to believing it must surely be the parent's fault... but I don't know what I did... or what I didn't do... Surely somehow I should have been able to prevent it... I've learned.... I've learned that instead of pointing fingers of blame we should be extending hands to help. I've learned its mean and small minded to simply pray that my child won't make those bad choices. I've learned that your child is my child and my child is your child and that we need to love them all. Because if we don't dedicate ourselves to each other's children... someday... it will be our child... and that's a little late to start worrying about it... Yes I'm late but I'm here... and I am praying for the strength to see it through... In so much as you did it unto these the least of my brethern... you did it unto me... and when we fail each other... we fail ourselves... just some thoughts... Much Love To You and Yours Elissa I found this on a memorial page... and it is so so beautiful... so I copied it (copied it as in wrote it down on a piece of paper... oh my... what I do for love... *Smile*) and typed it here for you... Hugs Elissa A MESSAGE FROM HEAVEN Perhaps you aren't ready yet to say goodbyePerhaps you've thought of things you wish you'd saidWell so have IFor one thing I'd have told you not to worry about meI'm in heaven with the LordYou knew that's where I'd beI'm sorry that you're feeling sadfor I'm so happy nowI've asked the Lord to ease the hurt and comfort you somehowIts hard at the beginningbut I know you'll make it throughI hope it helps to knowthat I'll be here waiting for you
Replies
I think you are awesome! Love to you! Let me know what I can do to help...in your child\'s memory and alicia\'s memory. love, lana
Elissa believe me when I say you are not the only one guilty of thinking that God it is not mine and what did they do wrong and what could I have changed. You are so right saying that if we dont start thinking like it could happen to one of ours or even the neighbors I should try to help then this world will surely go to pots. I remember when I was a child I couldnt move in a wrong direction for fear of my mom or one of the other moms in the neighborhood catching me. I remember when the neighbors were family too. Why cant it go back to those times. Kids were safer in my eyes at least I know I was and I am thankful for it. We also as parents of lost babies have to know they are in heaven and are happier without all of their problems. On the subject of the mental illness/addiction I know how you feel. I was in school to be an addictions worker and through study I found out just how crucial it is to have a foundation for treatment and also found out how ignorant the government is to it. Or maybe they just dont and wont care until it is one of their babies. Hugs. Lora
First, love the poem. Second, I agree with you whole heartedly. I used to thank God whenever I saw a handicapped child because mine were not. I used to thank God whenever a child had severe emotional or mental problems because mine were not. I used to thank God whenever I would here of a child dying because mine were not. Yes, I think Cara was a victim and someone needs to protect others in her situation. I think you should and if there is anything you need to help you, I am here all you need is to ask. Lots of hugs, jake\'s mom, kathy
ditto to everything everyone has said. if you need me to help or if i can do anything, let me know!! i love you, Elissa. thank you for the poem. ~~ charlayne
love you, love you, love you! go for it! nothing happens if you don\'t start...kathy
go for it! tell them where the system failed, what to implement to remedy the failure and tell them your story...Cara\'s story. love you.
Hey can I join your team? I have two step children who have fought their drug addicitions...Travis has fought and won, but Katie has not and in prison leaving two sweet baby boys at home to be raised by their grandma.
And why is it that when they put someone in detox, they release them with MORE drugs? Now, don\'t laugh here, but I am a huge fan of All My Children, when Erica Kane went through detox and rehab, she was never given any drugs...and she can\'t even take any over the counter meds or prescribed meds...some of the things on the soaps do touch with what really goes on in the real world, and that all makes sense to me...so why dry someone out only to let them walk out and fall off the wagon due to the fact that the rehab had given them more dope? I just don\'t get it! I know we are in different states, but this is something that needs National attention...so if you go marching to the white house, let me know, I\'ll scrape up every penny I find and I will be right there with ya! YOU GO GIRL! Proud of you...Proud to know you! :o) Love, Kat
PS: I think it is ABSOLUTE PURE UTTER BULLSHIT how the government spends \"our\" money...they DEMAND our money, make us pay taxes...and yet when WE NEED HELP FORM OUR TAX DOLLARS? We basically get told what to do with ourselves, that\'s if we are lucky...mostly we get told \"SORRY ABOUT YOUR LUCK...THERE IS NO MONIES AVAILABLE AT THIS TIME!\" Bull hockey poo! God, Eliss, Let\'s CHANGE THE WORLD...or at least AMERICA and make it all that it USED to be! Standing at attention for you...go forth my leader, I will follow! haha...I really will help anyway I can! Kat
that\'s supposed to be \"FROM\" our tax dollars...oops
Oh...I LOVE THE POEM! Now I will quit hogging all the space here and give someone else a chance to speak! ;O)
a lot said in your journal this day. heavy sad thoughts & truths. they do treat people with addictions & illnesses inappropriately. the insurance companies should be shot. put my name on your petition. i wish i could hug you & take away your pain. luv you! candace