I'm not feeling excellent... nor am I feeling awful... I am feeling sad... I take wisdom where I find it... and I share it... Hopefully it will be what you need at the time I share it... or perhaps it will come to you at another time and help you through a rough patch...Has it come to you that its so hard to tell people how you feel because it changes so drastically from moment to moment at times. A thought that keeps running through my mind is I hope they never know how I feel... that's for any who ask... because there's only one way to find out... and I would wish for you that you never know... Self pity... yes... It hurts... what else can one say... Anyway... so I hurt today... I don't know why... I kind of do know why... but its too hard to talk about... and it will pass... or it won't... and life will go on until the end...So as this lady had written... I'm having a grief attack... I like having a name to call it... and it doesn't feel so bad if I can know its temporary... So... in the event of grief attack... get to a quiet place... where you can be alone... call on your loved one... and ask them to just be there with you for the moment while you cry.. then try to remember all the good things you can... and just breathe...So... it sounds like a good idea... and that's what I'm going to do... Just thought I'd write my plan of action down in case you're in the same place and it might help. Hugs Elissa
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True, I wouldn\'t wish for anyone to ever know this pain and anguish for to know it means the unthinkable...and it is unthinkable that a child should die. Grief attack is a fitting definition...may you find comfort in your memories and may Cara give you strength. (((Love you)))
It sounds like a very good idea. Just remember to be good to yourself. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
i do like that \"grief attack\" ... hard to describe any feelings these days. i just know it is what it is. it will come and it will go. it will bend me but never break me. it will try consume me but i will fight back. it just is as it never will be again. thinking of you today and holding you in my heart. love you!! ~~ charlayne
Life has always been fearful for me... at least as far as I can remember... Mama told me it was different when I was very small... but I simply don\'t remember...
I would apologize for feeling so needy...
but why... you don\'t know me... so you can\'t be too imposed on... I hope...
I am grateful for the comments... the feeling of support and the hugs... I kind of need them today... You too... so consider yourself hugged... Watery smile but a smile none the less... Hugs Elissa
I like the way you put it - I don\'t care to say I\'m in depression, I like the thought of calling it more a \'grief attack\'... Elissa, I hope you found a quiet place where you could be alone and remembering all the good things you can... we love you and are here... Karen
Breathing is important. Let me know how things work, Love to you, Colleen
Hello Elissa. I wanted to tell you I just read your last 4-5 journals. I have been trying to catch up again!! I know u would love me if I didn\'t but I truly like to know what\'s going on in your life. First I am sick and sad over the little girl and the scumbag father who should be put in jail and raped and beaten. I was sexually abused young, and then for years. I believe it is the sole reason I am such the mess that I am at age 40, with the depression and lack of trust in anybody, that I have. MY heart and prayers go out to that little girl and her mother. Please keep us updated!!! Also I was sad to read that it\'s been 9 months already since Cara went up to heaven. I know the first year is shock and pain, and any anniversary is depressing. I hope you feel a little better since. I LOVE the idea of you fostering kids. I think you\'d be perfect for the job. Possibly very sad when they have to leave!!! But not all of them leave. I hope you go forward with that!! You are such a loving, giving person!!! I hope you are feeling peaceful and serene in your heart. I love you, and am very happy to be your friend. Love Nichole
ELISSA, I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT JOURNAL, IF I HAD YOUR WRITING ABILITIES. YOU HAVE SUCH AN AMAZING WAY OF PUTTING IT INTO WORDS. SELF PITY, YES I\'VE BEEN HAVING ALOT OF THAT!! TELLING PEOPLE HOW I FEEL, HECK THAT CHANGES HOURLY HERE LATELY... I HOPE YOUR TEARS HELPED TAKE AWAY SOME OF THE PAIN, ALL MY LOVE AND PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!! LISA
I THINK YOU WOULD BE A GREAT FOSTER PARENT, YOU\'RE GREAT PERIOD. WHY NOT SHARE YOURSELF WITH SOMEONE WHO NEEDS YOU AS MUCH AS YOU NEED THEM. IT SURE WOULD BE NICE IF YOU COULD SEE CARA\'S BABES MORE OFTEN, I\'LL BE PRAYING THAT YOU DO.. *K
Grief attack huh? I agree, it\'s nice to have a name for this...I will ALWAYS remember that, thank you for sharing this Eliss...you have the best insight on things, even though our grief is different, it is the same in the fact that it hurts like hell...and whether you realize it or not, you have helped me out SO VERY MUCH since we became fast friends way back in December of last year...I have to say: Thank you God for bringing me this wonderful woman into my life, through her own pain, has been able to help me and so many others with her gift of love and beautiful and sometimes VERY humorous words...I would be lost without her...again, I thank you Lord for Cara\'s mom, Elissa!
:o) BIG hugs and lots of love, Kat
Well once again you have spoken oh so wise words of wisdom to me Elissa. How do you manage to write just what I need to hear just when I need to hear it ? Were you sent from up above to me ? This is starting to freak me out a little bit LOL ! Seriously you have helped me tremendously...just with the way you say things and in the timing with you say them. Have you ever considered writing a book about your grief journey ? \"Elissa\'s journey\" or \"My Way Back\"...hmmmm or what about \"Cara\'s Mom...My Grief Journey\". Those are catchy titles don\'t you think ? Do it Elissa, I think you have so much to share with the world and I think there are so many people out there that would benefit from what you are going through if you would just share your story with the world. Think about it....