I may be the most self delusional person ever... (My son thinks I am)   or... I may have been given a gift beyond price... Pinky2u's comment reassures me I have been given that gift... A few months after Cara died I woke up so upset.  I was obsessed with worrying about which way Cara was facing when the car hit her... I couldn't get the images out of my mind... See in my mind I thought if she was facing the car... that meant she stepped out there on purpose... that she was so sad... that image was destroying me... Finally I got up and went into our dining room and sat down at the table and started writing a plea for my God box... My God box is a box I made to put things that I couldn't handle in to for God to handle...  so I took a piece of paper and I had written two words... God please... I was going to beg him to help me deal with those images and feelings that were driving me crazy...  I keep getting off track... I'm sorry... anyway I wrote the two words... and suddenly Cara was inside my head saying I did not commit suicide... I did not commit suicide... she said it several times... and somehow I just knew that she was there with me and she was telling me the truth... I was very relieved... It hurt so much to think that Cara had been so sad...  After Cara told me that I started telling her how much I loved her and how badly I missed her and how sad I was... I was crying and my feelings were just so intense... Cara seemed quite calm... she told me she loved me... but that she could not say she was sad or that she missed me... and that it was wonderful there...  I kind of balked at that... I was even upset a bit.... but then...  I thought about the other visits she had made to me since her earthly death... well I guess there would be no reason to miss someone if you were with them... so ok that made sense... and we all talk about the things we'll understand once we go to heaven that we just can't understand here... so perhaps that was why she wasn't sad... it still seems very understated just to say heaven is wonderful... but perhaps how wonderful is so far beyond my ability to grasp she was just keeping it simple...  The way she said it... it was just a pure statement of fact with no need to elaborate...  I still believe and I'll always believe that Cara was with me and said every word I heard...  You might have read this in my journal...  I wanted to repeat it to help you know that our children are in heaven... that they love us... that they don't feel sad because as the bible says... He wiped the tears from their eyes... that kind of makes me tear up... I want to be the one wiping the tears from my babies eyes... holding her and making her all better... that was my job... I hurt... I'm selfish... but my baby is fine... and so is Wayman... I do believe that... Its ok for us to cry... we need to... but they are fine... Hugs Elissa