Right now I'm struggling with writing a letter for a family member..  Its a rough situation... This person is someone I love very much... we all do... and we're very proud of her.  She's got a heart as big as Texas.  She loves her kids and she's putting it all on the line for them every day.  We talk a lot about the kids.  She's so full of pride and determination its inspirational. She has talked about how unfair she thinks it is that men get way with paying so little child support and so much is left on the mothers in a divorce.  She's accepted that though and is just determined to do the best she can for her babies.  She seemed most concerned with the fact that her ex husband often doesn't see their children for regularly scheduled visitations.  That upsets her because the kids are so hurt when they expect their dad to pick them up and bring them home with him for the weekend and he just doesn't show up.  I remember my mother complaining about the same thing about my father.  It did hurt.  I can remember waiting from the earliest possible time that daddy might be there till it was way past the time there was any chance he might show up.  I remember the sadness in mama's voice as she had to make me come in and get ready for bed.  I know she hurt for me and that was some comfort but not much.  The situation was tragically changed in March.  Her 2 year old daughter came home from a regular weekend visit with her father.  She seemed tired and quieter than usual.  That evening just before putting her to bed her mother took her to the bathroom for toileting.  Once on the toilet she complained about her pee pee hurting.  She was quite strident and her mother asked her if she'd drank plenty of water over the weekend thinking perhaps her urine was strong and maybe burning her from lack of water.  She said she had drunk water and continued to say it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.   She helped her daughter wipe and felt her flinch as she wiped her.  She asked if it would be ok if she looked at her down there to see if she could figure out why it hurt.  When she examined her daughter, her entire vaginal area was extremely red and tender looking.   She asked her daughter if anyone had touched her in her private area.  Her daughter said yes.  She asked her who had touched her down there.   Her daughter said my daddy did.  She asked her daughter how her daddy touched her down there and daughter simulated someone rubbing and thrusting her vaginal area.  Naturally she was upset.  She called her mother and they brought her little girl to a hospital.  The emergency room doctor told them he really didn't know what to do, or even what to look for in cases of this kind.  The hospital contacted DHS but there was no one available to examine her daughter.  Since DHS was unable to get anyone the doctor examined her little girl.  He said her vaginal area was sore as if someone had been rubbing and that her daughter had told him her daddy did it.  They took a urine sample and there was blood in the urine.  The hospital gave her a copy of the doctor's report. The hospital said that the urine sample was normal which angers and puzzles her because blood in anyone's urine doesn't sound normal to her, and especially not in a child's urine.   The next day she went with her daughter and her mother to DHS.  She was very concerned about what had happened to her daughter and about protecting her from any further abuse.  She was assigned a caseworker.  The caseworker said that her daughter needed to be examined at Children's Hospital.  The caseworker seemed unsure about who should make the appointment but finally said that DHS had to make the appointment.  They left DHS assuming they were going to see that her daughter was examined and whatever steps were needed, to help and protect her, would be taken care of.  She said that she continued trying to contact her caseworker at DHS without much success.  Although she hated the thought of a medical exam and the effect that would have on her daughter she agreed to it and thought it was necessary.  She continued calling and going to DHS trying to see about getting the medical exam set up with little response from her caseworker. Finally the caseworker set up a forensic exam.  The people who conducted the forensic exam said that it had been decided that would be easier on her daughter. The examiners spent about 10 minutes with her.  After the exam they said she wouldn't talk to them and that therefore they had no way of confirming what she had told her mother. I have read a lot on child molestation and most experts say its important to believe children because when they are not supported they tend to close up about what happened and to blame themselves. What would you expect.  Instead of comfort and caring they're met with doubting looks and questions, questions, questions.  Children need an open accepting environment so that they can and will tell what happened.  Sometimes, as even a half baked fool can tell you it takes time for kids to feel comfortable and be able to talk.  Her daughter didn't know these people.  She's two years old!!! Its not hard to imagine that she would have frozen up when they questioned her.  She did not know what to do.  She called Children's Hospital herself to see if she could set up an exam.  Children's Hospital said the request had to come from DHS.  They told her further that an exam after this long a time would most likely not show if her daughter had been molested, as because of her age and children's remarkable healing properties they probably wouldn't be able to tell because it had been 3 weeks.  DHS had not followed up on setting up the medical exam.   She had not been able to set it up.  DHS would have had to request it and they did not..  Now DHS is acting like she is the one who did not follow up.  They closed the case.  How could they close it.  They never worked it. DHS drew a few pithy conclusions and threw the family away...  She has contacted a governmental agency that polices other governmental agencies.  She's afraid... she doesn't know who to trust... who wouldn't be...  No one from my background...  but she has to do something.... The whole time she worried about the effect this round of doctors and psychologists, possible court hearings and questioning would have on her daughter.  Her daughter did continue talking about the fact that her daddy had hurt her pee pee to her mother, grandmother, brother, other family and friends.  Her daughter was afraid to sleep alone.  She has nightmares.  Her mother feels like she is caught up in a nightmare herself.  Her only desire was to protect her children.  Where she had once resented the fact that her ex husband did not seem to be overwhelmingly concerned with whether he saw the kids or not if it interfered ith his plans she now feared for them to go to his home.  If he could do what he had done to his 2 year old daughter who was to say he might not molest their son.  She didn't get help from DHS so she decided that the one thing she could do was not to let the kids be alone with him and refused to send them for any more visits.  She never confronted her ex husband about what he'd done to their daughter.  Perhaps that was a mistake.  Maybe if she'd told him what their daughter had said and that she'd brought the child to the hospital...  The thought of what he had done was so awful she just refused to have anything to do with him.  She'd tried to get help and found disinterest and road blocks every step of the way.  She is trying to help her daughter.  Her daughter needs to be comforted and reassured that what has happened is not her fault.   If she can't totally understand and elieve she has a right not to be used as a sexual object she may blame herself for years, if not her whole life.  As she said, the man who should have protected her more than any other has used her, and now her daughter has to go through this circus.  She has her daughter in counseling and she's fighting the system.  The counselor contacted her last week and told her that her daughter has told them what her daddy did and that they are contacting DHS themselves.  Hopefully they will give more credence and support to the counselor than they did to her. Because of the contempt of court charges she has had to retain a lawyer.  Single mother of two children, receiving minimal child support, and now she has to deal with co pays for a counselor, legal fees, etc etc etc.... but most of all she worries about the effect all of this will have on her children.  DHS wrote her off as a vindictive ex wife and an over protective mother.  That is what they wrote in their files.  Her lawyer got copies of her records and told her this.  How insulting to go to this agency and to have them so careless in their efforts.  She deserved better.  Her daughter deserved better.  It certainly makes me wonder if their goals are to help people... or is it pay day and quitting time... Unfortunately I believe the worst.  Most of us who have had to deal with governmental agencies feel the same.  I've worked in the system.  Its all about cover your ass.  She is afraid and rightly so.  Her lawyer warned her that he's heard of cases where this has happened and the mother lost custody of her child.  I knew of a similar case myself but did not tell her or other family members because I didn't want to scare them.  It makes you afraid to help your child.  What did she have to gain?  Its been over 2 years since they were divorced.  She has moved on with her life.  Her ex husband is remarried.  Her ex husband, since his remarriage, has been better about seeing the children on a more regular basis and she was glad.  Why would she want to make up a story saying her ex husband had molested their child.  If he went to prison she would lose what little child support she was getting.  Worse yet the potential pain and harm to their children.  She is a loving mother.  She did not make this story up.  To put it mildly we're all troubled and praying.  I'd really appreciate your prayers too. I know I ramble and repeat myself.  I am truly sad about this.  I went through and deleted all the names... I would appreciate any  suggestions you  might have to help.