Just have to share this memory... As my mama grew more dependent on others to take care of her living needs she sometimes felt like she was useless... One day I had called her... like I did nearly every day... I don't remember what was wrong... but as usual... I dumped it all on mama... and finally in a sad voice she said... I feel so useless... I wish so much I could fix it for you...  By this time... I'm actually feeling pretty good... after all I'd cried on mama's shoulder and things looked a whole lot better as they always did...  So I'm glad I was able to tell mama that she was the best help in the world just by being there to listen and my knowing she cared... it was true... I'm glad I knew it then... but if I hadn't... I'd know it now... I miss you mama...Hi,It was a good thing to have your letter this morning... You see I had a dream this morning... it was really lengthy... makes me wonder how long I was dreaming... but I really wanted to share it...Somehow Cara had come back... but then she was in a car wreck and her daddy Woody was with her... and she was killed again... He brought her home but he didn't tell me till I woke up... He'd left her laying on some kind of stretcher or table... and I went outside... my son John was going to help me...I thought about asking Woody and John to take care of it... but then I wanted no matter what to hold her once again... so I was trying to pick her up... Her body was warm and pliable... and I thought she felt like she was alive... and then she moved so that even John knew that she was alive... she scratched her nose... and she started talking...At first we couldn't understand her... her speech was not clear... but then it was... and she asked me if she was going to be ok... oh... of course by now I've told John to call an ambulance... and I was mad at Woody for not taking her to a hospital... wondering if she was going to die because he didn't get help for her... but I told her she was going to be all right...I held her... oh...... the joy to hold her... and then she told me... that she realized now what she'd been doing to herself with the drugs and alcohol and she didn't want anything to do with them anymore...I woke up and I know she has not come back to life in one way... but in another... she has come more alive for me once again... I need to know her spirit lives... and I think God told me once again... it does... and once again he's told me she's ok... she's alive in heaven... she's more than ok... she's doing wonderful and drugs and alcohol aren't destroying her and won't be destroying her ever again...So I got up and came to the front of the house... I'm drinking coffee and thinking... about the dream and what it means... I think further... I think about what I read yesterday about that death is not the end... and how it uplifted me yesterday... and about how in a fragment of time we'll all be together...I think that maybe that's why I had this dream... God's reaffirming... I'm only a heart beat away... The heart is an organ... a machine if you will... The soul is what makes us... and Cara's soul lives... and someday when my time has come... my heart will beat one last time... and I'll be with her...I'm somewhat afraid to accept the joy that is being offered... the reassurance... I'm afraid of the pain that may lie in wait to slap me again... but I do believe God's promises... I believe this dream is a gift of reassurance that God sent and Cara was glad to bring... I believe she was as happy to have me hug her as I was to hug her...Yes I miss her earthly presence... but I am more convinced than ever that she does live... Its a different way than we understand... but it is real...I wanted to share this so that anyone and everyone that's hurting will understand... It is temporary... I Love You ElissaJust a few short days ago... someone wrote something to the effect that we had to let go of our grief... that we couldn't or shouldn't hang on to it... I was angry and confused... How do we let go I asked... When??? What's the time limit... because that's how I took it...Some of the first things I remember reading when I came to daily strength were poems and things about not trying to tell me to get over it... telling people they don't understand... we're broken and we don't know when if ever we'll "get" over it...I do believe it has to come to each of us in our own time... I'm not "over" it... I accept that I won't ever be "over" it... but today... this minute... I'm definitely feeling more faith in where my loved ones are and that when its time I will be with them... and that in the meantime... their spirit surrounds me...Like I said... I'm nervous and scared... because I've had "eureka" moments before... perhaps I will get hit by the pain again... its ok... I really believe deep inside its going to be ok... Its going to be wonderful... I held my child in my arms this morning... Thank You God... Thank you for your messengers who share their thoughts and your words and help me see you and my loved ones...Thank You... I do Praise The Lord this morning in a special way... and I praise and thank my friends... these "strangers" who suddenly aren't strangers... on daily strength and lovingarms who keep reaching out to help me and each other and even themselves... When we share the word it is life affirming... Hugs Elissa