<>If I could really say what I'm feeling<>I'd probably run people off...<>I'm so sad and so angry<>I'm covering it up<>but its still there <>I'm covering it up because that's what I'm supposed to do right???<>But its still there<>So often I wish I could walk out of this life<>but that's not ok<>Why not<>Truth be known<><>There's no reason for any of us to be hereI mean seriously... why are you hereWhy am I hereBottom line we all dieSo why should we waitMaybe it is all about getting what you want out of lifeProblem is... what do I wantI thought I knew...Now I don'tPlease don't leave any sympathy messagesYou don't mean it and I don't need it...Yep... guess I am writing what I'm really feeling...<><>I'm too mad and too sad to give or to take...Hell perhaps I might be worth something at least I won't be needing anythingI do apologize to those I offend...But I'll bet there are a bunch of you who have felt this waySo I'll make a gift to youSpit it out...<> I can't believe there are people out there who can talk about how tired they are of their kids...I understand... Kids can be really selfish... Would you like them dead... I don't think so...So now you know what set me off... Tough... I'll have to live with it... Before I change my mind I'm going to post thisJust one more thing... If your kids are a real pain... if you wish they were dead so they'd be out of your hair... I hope you don't get your wish... I guess I'm lucky.... I was scared of what the future held trying to help Cara... but I never stopped loving her... and I wouldn't trade her for all of your kids... That little blob of squalling humanity... was mine... a part of me... and I loved her...
Replies
I won\'t leave you a sympathy message, only one to let you know that I read this.
NO SYMPATHY. JUST A BIG I AM SOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!! YOU CAN GET MAD, IT\'S OKAY. YOU CAN HATE LIFE, THAT\'S OKAY TOO. YOU CAN GET PISSED WHEN PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THERE KIDS. WHY SHOULDN\'T YOU??? YOURS IS DEAD AND IT SUCKS AND IT ISN\'T FAIR. NOPE, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. I REMEMBER AFTER MY MOM DIED, EVEN YEARS AFTER, I WOULD SIT IN THE OFFICE AND LISTEN TO EVERYONE COMPLAIN ABOUT THERE MOTHER\'S. TALK ABOUT BEING PISSED, OH YEA I KNOW WHERE YOUR COMING FROM THERE. ONE DAY I CAME RIGHT OUT AND SAID IT. I SAID YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS ARE VERY LUCKY TO HAVE MOTHERS. SHUT THEM UP FAST. BUT EVENTUALLY I COULD UNDERSTAND THEY LOVED THERE MOMS AND JUST NEEDED TO VENT BUT IT TOOK A LONGGGGGGG TIME. SO YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE PISSED. IT\'S OKAY TO TELL US THE BAD STUFF ELISSA. I\'M PROUD OF YOU. IT\'S EASY TO HIDE UNDER HUMOR. GOD GAVE YOU A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR AND I LOVE IT!!!!!! BUT YOU ALSO NEED US TO LISTEN TO YOUR PAIN. SO NO SYMPATHY JUST UNDERSTANDING AND A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON! ALL MY LOVE!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
((((Elissa)))) Don\'t apologize for feeling what you feel...it\'s hard to listen to people complain about their kids when we would give anything to have ours here...they know not this anguish...they know not how it hurts to hear them waste precious moments...it makes me angry...it makes me sad...((((love you))))
Oh god Elissa, Im automatically wondering if it was me? I dont think so. I mean they do drive me crazy sometimes, as did my sister sometimes, but I certainly didn\'t want her to die either!!!!! I have to tell you, I love my kids to pieces, more than anything else on earth. But I do lose patience sometimes, or get angry at things they do or say. But if I happened to write that, I hope you wouldn\'t think they should die to shut me up. I love you, and I hope it wasn\'t me you are mad at! Love Nichole
I think many of us are letting it out! My husband thinks I just over react anything-maybe I do-so what! The pain is so intense-and I guess it just spills over-we have to hide it so much just to get through each day, but it\'s been coming out lately-feel like you do-people will just have to deal with it, like I have to deal with this pain and sadness every day. Don\'t mean to be nasty-but am tired to hiding the pain, pretending everything is okay-just has to come out sometimes! Sandy
Elissa, I often referred to Jake as a pain in the ass but he was my pain in the ass. And I would trade everything I own, everything I have just to have that pain in the ass here with me. Just because they ruffle our feathers doesn\'t mean we stopped loving them for even a second. I would do anything for my sons and often do. Thank you. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
i would say i understand how you feel but i dont . thank god i still have all mine .hope i go first .so do what you need to . and we will listen