I do not know why but these last few days have been hard. I have held onto my faith through all of this but still when I see my child dying I want to know why... It doesn't matter I know that... but I can't seem to stop asking... I also keep wondering... when I die... if I go to heaven... what will my relationship with Cara be like... Will I still be her mama... will I hold her and she me and be so happy just to be together... or will we be separate spirits going about the Lord's work... Yesterday at church part of the message was about Jesus requiring the diciples to follow him... not even stopping to say goodbye to loved ones... about the absolute necessity of putting him first... and I'm ashamed but the truth is... I don't know if I want to follow at all if I can't have my child back at least once I get to heaven... There's no use me hesitating to say this for fear of angering God... he knows my thoughts.... I know I'm not alone... but its still lonely... Over and over the line from that song repeats... I'm dying inside... and nobody knows it but me... Its just not a good time... Forgive me for imposing... I know you have your own pain... I do wonder though... do your thoughts sometimes go the same path as mine... I have better days... even moments in very bad days... Hopefully I'll get to one of them soon... Hugs Elissa
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you are not alone! i wonder so much more. but i do believe that our children will know us, will be so happy to see us and we shall hold them again. we will be their mothers. nothing will have changed too much except for our living arrangements. i\'m holding onto that. i miss my baby and i have to believe that. because if that is not the case, i really have no reason to hold out. i love you!! ... charlayne
Awww... Your not alone though I can\'t imagine how you feel. I believe the bible says we will know everyone but it won\'t be a relation like here on earth. Please don\'t give up on the Lord. It is very natural to grieve. The Lord will give you peace that passeth no understanding. Just ask of that. You are in my prayers. Love and hugs-
Yep I thought the same thing yesterday when I heard the Gospel. You know what though? God is pure love and there isn\'t any love purer than the love of a mother for her child. I think that all the love we have here on earth and all the love we give and all the love we generate through and to and with other people is the love we take with us and offer to God as our gift to him and I think He gives it back to us tenfold. I think that we are united with all those we have loved and all who have formed the spirit that is us as individuals. I think Cara is probable one big happy spirit and waits for you to share the abundant love you\'ve given to her. I even think that sometimes her love just spills out all over you and that is when you feel her so close to you (even on the crappy days) Love Ya, Kathy
Hi Honey. Those bad and good moments come and go without warning or reason. Some are worse than others. Some stay too long and take quite a toll on me. This season is a hard one. Chelsea died in August. So everything about summer is a reminder. Maybe that\'s why I turned from a loyal loving summer fan, to a winter fan!! Whe u go to Heaven, you and Cara will be perfectly in love. When we go to heaven we are free and clear of pain, including resentments and anger! It\'s supoosedly pure LOVE and JOY! I hope u enjoy the holiday! I love u, Nichole
Elissa, yes I too have some of the same thoughts. Just the other nite, I told Jake and asked God that he not get to much smarter than me because when I die, it better be Jake who comes and gets me. In my heart, I know I will see Jake, hold Jake and be with him. You will always be Carasmom. Lots of love, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
((((Elissa)))) I have wondered so many things, these among them. I do believe that our children will know us and we will be together. There have been some mighty powerfull dreams of my son (not enough to satisfy me, but there have been some) where he says \"it\'s me Mama, it\'s really me\" in response to my \"is that you, is it really you?\". I could touch him and he was there with me. I don\'t believe for a moment that God would keep Mother and Child apart for was it not God who united us? Scripture speaks of how we will know all who have gone before us when we reach heaven. Also being disciples, doing the work of disciples is for now, not then. Wishing you peace.
as usual I\'m thinking and writing in response to someone\'s journal...
speaking of grief that we will never be \"independent\" of... reminds me of Barry Manilow\'s song... \"Even Now\" We watched a DVD we bought after catching his show while on vacation... and just as I did at the show I cried and cried... I find Barry Manilow\'s music to be to me some of the most emotionally moving music of any artist I know... His song Best Seat In The House... a line about singing for an audience and having them like it being his beginning... well... my beginning was Cara... John was born and I had an abundance of life and reason for living... I still have lots of reasons for living... but I hate it that Cara\'s not here... Its just how it is... but oh how I hate how it is... Monday\'s are \"green smiley\" days... and it makes me want to scream... I\'m sorry... but I don\'t necessarily feel like green smiley sometimes... and sometimes I do... and I try to cheer people up... and I\'m just beginning to realize what a pain in the ass that can be.... Ah well I\'ve dumped enough... Thanks for being here... Hugs Elissa
God promises us in Rev. 21 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. If that is the case then I know we will hold our loved ones again one day.
In faith, hope and love. Pam