So I got a letter from a friend at lovingarms... its a group Rea started on yahoo for grieving moms... and I started thinking... and I wanted to share it with you.... Before you read this.... may I suggest you look at stellarstarz's pics.... The rainbow shot... SEE... standing there on the right... all those people... keep that in mind and come back and read this won't you... That's where I saw them.... What Do You Do With The Whys.... I do know that seeking answers to the whys isn't going to help anyone... I am going to try to let go of them... but as you know... its not going to be easy... Fact: If I knew the answers to all the whys... it wouldn't change a thing... not really... So for today... may we share a prayer... not of any particular one faith but of humanity... For today or even just this moment I am so glad for all the time I did have with my child here on earth... I feel tears rush to my eyes... for this moment... can I replace them with an image of my child in my arms... patting me on the back... Isn't working... I see my child but I'm still crying... so I'll try harder... I stopped for a moment and reread what I'd written... I so want a few good moments so I'm still praying... I pray you will find comfort today... This is helping... slowly but surely I'm coming together... So perhaps my prayer should start for others... I can see Cara clearer now that my tears have slowed... I am so lucky to have had her in my life... You too are lucky to have had your precious children in your lives.... We're still lucky... As hard as it is to see... We still have them.... I'm smiling through the mist... ahhhh what a beautiful rainbow I see... There are our children... Do you see them... Hi Cara.... Hi Travis.... Hi Reese... Oh Jon you really are a cutie.... Jake... I want a hug.... I want a hug from all of you... Its so good to see you.. There's Christopher, Gilbert, Evan, Robin, oh my... there's my mom.... you see she's someone's child too... besides being the child of grandma and grandpa... she's God's child... How grateful I am for this prayer... for your message that started me thinking... Tears are streaming down my face.... but I just got to see my child.... and there were multitudes of people there... all ages... all races... oh our children are so beautiful.... Its ok... hold onto me and I'll hold onto you... We'll cry... and then we'll tell each other wonderful stories about our children... I'm smiling again... almost a laugh... you see... I've teased my kids for years. I've told them that I had them so I'd have great stories to tell... I do have some great stories to tell... With Love Elissa My Cara story for today... I was... I am so proud of Cara's generous heart.... My mom used to say that she loved it when Cara would come take care of her... She said that no one ever gave her such feelings of comfort... when Cara gave mom a sponge bath she'd laugh and tell her jokes... she was so comfortable and easy that mom could be comfortable and easy.... Cara was like that... She went to the hospital to see Richard... He'd had surgery and had his stomach resectioned because he developed a stomach ulcer and nearly bled to death.... He was on morphine and really out of it most of the time... Cara washed his face and hands... shaved him and brushed his teeth... I was at work so I did not see this... but I've seen it in my mind's eye many times... That's my baby girl... Oh I am so lucky... Thank you Cara... I Love You For Always Honey... Just like I told you.... I feel her holding me... oh its so good.... Would you share a story.... You might cry... but then I'll bet you'll smile...
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Oh dear God. Elissa - your words as always take me to tears but allow the light to shine through, turning the tears into sparkling little rainbows of joy. Does that make any sense whatsoever? We are putting together a booklet of writings, poetry, etc that moms have submitted or we\'ve found meaning in. May we include this in there? Of everything I\'ve read, this one is the most beautiful - with or without Stellar Starz pictures. (She does amazing photoshop work, by the way.)
Elissa,
Thanks for sharing this with all of us. I was missing you so much. Did you get your computer back at home? Hope so. Take care, Love, Betty
ELISSA I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT CARA IS SO PROUD OF YOU.THROUGH YOUR GREIF AND PAIN YOU`VE MANAGE TO BRING SUCH COMFORT TO ALL GREIVING PARENTS.PUT A SMILE ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE,BECAUSE YOU PUT MANY OUR FACES.MUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAH LOVE~CRYSTAL~
Beautiful, ((((Elissa)))), just like your Cara. I don\'t have a story today but a picture that is in my mind forever, it wasn\'t captured on film but was the prettiest picture. I saw Adam one day holding the hand of a friend\'s child, who was about 4 at the time, and Adam was taking him out to McDonald\'s to pick up lunch for a group of people at work. Adam was leaning down a bit and smiling, the little one looking up and smiling as they held hands and walked away...all was well with the world. Adam loved kids, he would have been a great daddy but he was already a great friend.
That was a beautiful letter and story of Cara...Cara was a very giving person, sounds alot like her mother! :o) I feel a mix of emotions here Eliss...as I have my daughter...I am sooo grateful for that fact, and yet, I feel saddened for you loss and guilty for not knowing how you feel or that I feel so lucky to have her...I would lose my mind if something were to happen to her.
In the letter part about all the children, whether it was a child or an adult child who was somebody\'s child and is God\'s child...made a warm smile come over my face with that thought...John is somebody\'s child...is God\'s child...he was a giver too like your Cara, and never a taker...very tender hearted and caring always put other\'s first before himself...do you think that\'s why God has called on our loved ones to go home first? For all of these wonderful qualities, I can see why God felt he needed them home to help him...the why\'s are no longer important...this has opened my eyes alot...thank-you Elissa, thank-you for sharing! With much, much love, Kat
Thats a really touching journal. It\'s inspirational. I remember Chelsea playing with my boys when they were little. They were always laughing and running from her. They called it the \"RAH GAME\". That\'s the noise a monster would make chasing someone, and she always did it with them. They loved it. I miss her so much.