So I was reading journals... and is often the case... I was moved to write a comment... and then I wanted to share it... I told sybil that I wasn't just writing this for me or about me and mine... but for her also... and for all of us... mothers and fathers... sisters and brothers... grandmothers and grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousin, nieces, nephews, friends... for me... from me... to you... In my mind... there is a huge heart mosaic... you can see all the jagged lines where it was torn apart and then pieced back together... the places where it is torn into but not totally separated from the whole... that's the times when I feared... and thankfully my fears were relieved... my loved ones lived although we always knew it was but a reprieve... We all die... but still its hard... and we know that too. The smaller parts torn off: my husband Woody... father, mother, stepfather... grandparents all... halfsister Patricia... stepbrothers Larry and Jack, my stepsister JoAnn... brother in law Ray, sister in laws Wilma and Ruby... nephew Matthew that I don't dare think about too long because he too was far too young... Like Cara he died because of depression and substance abuse... 100,000 a year and still counting... Niece Joyce, Nephew Johnny... where the heart is rent clear across... that's the day I lost my daughter Cara's earthly presence... I have to say earthly presence and I have to cling to the hope that it is temporary and that she still exists in spirit... and truly I've been lucky to have had so many signs and "events" that reinforce my beliefs... but still I struggle and its hard... and you all know exactly what I mean... I'm not saying the deaths of my other loved ones were not painful... they were... and the pain reverberates deep inside of me... but my child... that's something I don't know why or how... we survive... I'm sorry, pain is pain... I'm not trying to say your pain doesn't matter.. its just so wrong to have to bury your child... I guess I'm lucky... I was able to bury my child... many parents live an die never able to do that one last thing for their child... I wish I could say I'm sorry that I don't give you nice platitudes... but they're not in me... not right now... Hugs Elissa
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ouch... I spent some time outlining a heart when I wrote this by highlighting and selecting red... but as you can see... the way it looks when you write it as copared to when you submit it is different... It would be easy enough to turn it all blue... but I decided perhaps this is more characteristic of the pieces of the heart mosaic that\'s in my mind...
((((Elissa)))) You paint a mosaic with your words and you represent one with the colors...like an antique Italian mosaic pin in the shape of a heart...it carries generations of history...love and loss.
YES IS IT ELISSA, JUST TORN ALL APART THAT\'S HOW IT LOOKS AND HOW IT FEELS I\'M SURE. YOU, KATIE AND KATHY ARE ENDURING SOMETHING MORE THAN I CAN EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM. THOUGH KATHY HAS ENDURED IT FOR FAR LONGER THAN YOUR SELVES TIME STILL NEVER DILUTES OR LESSONS THE PAIN OF THE LOSS OF YOUR CHILDREN.. I\'M SURE OF THIS, AND MY HEART DOES TRULY ACHE FOR YOU LADIES... AND WILL FOREVER I\'M SURE.. SENDING MY THOUGHTS AND LOVE ON THIS DAY AND MANY MORE TO COME. *K
That was really nicely written! I like how it came out looking too. I am VERY sad and sorry for the pain the 3 of you mentioned feel. I love sybil, and I love you Elissa, but I dont think I know Kathy. However my heart and soul hurts for all of you. Losing my sister was more than I wanted to deal with and lose. I cant even begin to imagine the pain of losing your own child. (I hope I never know. So far you have all been so inspirationsl to me.
Thank you Elisa. I cry for all our losses and pray for peace in our hearts to go on and share that little magic that we were granted to give our lost loved ones. Have a safe and happy holiday. Love Ya Kathy
kathy is Katmac... she\'s only one though of sveral Kathy\'s... and Lisa\'s and Deoborah\'s and so many whose stories came to my mind and heart as I read this... there is starfish... and sandart, Rea, Leo, Renee, Barbara, Jonsmom, Brentzmom, mari, comet, emptyvessel, Bailey, the list is much too long... and I think of all the ways man dies... the ways our children died... and I\'m appalled... keep praying... keep struggling... I\'m reminded of was it Anne Frank\'s father who said... I wondered why those of us who survived did survive... and I realized... it was because we had to survive to tell the story of those who suffered as we suffered but did not survive, to tell their story and our own stories... Interesting... before there was spoken or written language... there were story tellers... you can \"read\" their stories in cave drawings... This is not all sad... or not to me... thinking about the beginning of words... the arbitrary designation of sounds to have this or that meaning... the division up of time... into years, seasons, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds... these are testaments to our strength and drive... We survive.... and we tell our stories... we refuse to be forgotten or to let those we love be forgotten... Thinking of all these things... I believe its an appropriate line of thought for memorial day... I will remember... I will tell stories... I have survived... Love You All Elissa