I decided that today I would start copying things from Cara's memorial site and putting them in my journal. As I read them I relive those special moments and I want to relive them.

I find that when I read your journals the stories that lift me up are the good ones... My heart aches with you when you're sad... and my heart soars with you when you talk about the good memories...

Hmmmmm thinking about JonsKat and the "girls".... Janine and Molly... whom I've dressed in a kleenex tissue skirt... ruffled and billowing out as she dances a merry little dance in front of the dresser mirror... Reese... and Jake... how I love their smiles... Jon... that boy is fine... as in cute... not all of the pics I am recalling are of loved ones who have passed... Julilyn going nigh nigh... is one of my favorites... like Bree... who reminds me so much of Cara... and stellarstarz (Michelle)... who is the sweetest person... Michelle... has the most beautiful eyes... I feel so privileged to have you all as my friends... and you share your loved ones too... awesome... don't yall just love the smile of Charlayne... That smile is in her words... that warmth... that love...
I'd like to lay my head in emptyvessel's lap... and have her mother me a bit... so many feelings... so much to be grateful for... I'm thinking of Katmac... in her tutu... and tinfoil crown... all of us... Janine with the helicopter hat and the pooper scooper... oh my what laughs we've been sharing... Cara would have been perfect at our party yall... She could be outrageously funny... a blast!

Well a lot of this is repeat... but you got to start somewhere...

Cara Parks Buras was born at Terrebone General Hospital in Houma, Louisiana at 3:07am on September 09, 1976. She weighed 7 lbs 8 oz.
(Someday I must tell you about our birth symphony...)

Cara left this earth on October 30, 2006 on I-10 at the Perkins Rd access lane in Baton Rouge, LA. Cara was walking on the interstate trying to get home and was hit by a car. Cara and our family had been going through a tragic journey. Cara had been abusing drugs/alcohol for some time in an effort to cope with mental health problems. I believe Cara is at peace now... actually she has told me that where she is it is wonderful. Our journey goes on... its dark and often painful... but I'm seeing light and I want to share the light...

My prayers go out to the young man who was driving the car. I believe he did not mean to hit her. It happened at the point where you are picking up speed to merge into traffic... he had turned his head to make sure it was clear and when he looked back... Cara was there. This part is obviously not a good memory... but its easier to asy it once and get it done.

Cara was 30 years old. She, like all of us, was and is all the ages she ever was. I am her mother and I am lucky enough to have known her at every age. We who were lucky enough to know and love her will remember her forever.


About Cara by her mom Elissa Smith

Its hard to find the words to tell you about my daughter. To me she was one of the greatest things that ever happened. I remember a few days after I brought her home from the hospital I was holding her. My heart was so full of love. I held her up and I thanked God for the gift he had given me. I still thank God for all the time we did have. I will never be able to say that it doesn't make me sad that she died much too soon.

What story should I start with. There are so many.

I called her my little cuddle bum. I used to hold her in the evenings while her dad was at work for hours. I'd hold her and love her for awhile then I'd put her in her play pen. We lived in a small one bedroom apartment and so she was always near me. I would put her down and do some housework. Then I'd pick her up and we'd watch TV for a bit... then it was back to the housework... then cuddle time... I didn't get much else done, but to be honest I wasn't worried about it. I was just enjoying my precious child.

I got pregnant with my son John when Cara was 5 months old. I was somewhat nervous at the time wondering if I'd do well with two children so close together. John arrived on November 11, 1977 and from the start Cara adored her baby brother.

I don't think he much appreciated being her baby brother... He caught up to her fast in size and definitely considered himself the man... *Smile* He knows though how she loved him and would often worry more about his needs than her own.

As for having two children, there was just that much more love. I enjoyed a whole round of new firsts and it was and is wonderful.

I'll never forget when I went to register Cara for school. I filled out some paperwork and was told that Cara had an immunization she needed and then she'd be all set to start school. While I'd been getting things set up Cara had been playing in a corner, seemingly oblivious to what was going on. I found out how wrong I was about that.

When we walked out the big doors of the school, I reached down to take her hand like I'd always done and she silently but with an undeniable determination pulled her hand down and proceeded down the steps... a girl getting ready to go to school was surely much too big to have mama holding her hand... It was a proud moment although tinged with a tiny sense of loss...

Stay tuned... more to come... tomorrow... *Smile* Now I hope you'll share some more with me... your stories and your pics lighten my heart and I think it does the same for you and all of us... Hugs Elissa

Replies

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deleted_user

I find your journal inspirational and really give you credit for forgiving the man who hit your daughter. I wish you the best and good luck
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this does not mean that I don\'t want anyone to talk to me about their pain. I find that it truly helps me to not feel alone and if I can help I feel so blessed. I think we all do. This is part of the gift of what we do for each other... It is loving and it is good.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Reading this............... you know how you say we are all the ages we have ever been? This entry makes me feel like we are also still with all the people we have ever loved............ They are here with us still and will be forever............. and that\'s a very warm, comforting thought.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My daughter Shannon is the same age as your Cara (6/76). I know the joy and amazement of that little buddle. The warmth and the smell and the softness of the tiny little hairs. I know the fear that there will be enough love for how can you love someone as perfect as your first? But you do your heart just swells with more love. And the love between the kids is some kind of confirmation that you are doing it right! But did you see Cara took the extra step to patch up the differences?
I remember when Amy, my oldest, decided at 14 she would go shopping for school clothes with her friends. My heart was broken. It didn\'t take her long to realize that she missed a few things that she needed. You set them free and they come back. You know how your hand itches every so often...that\'s Cara trying to squeeze one in on you...I am sure!
I think kids in general see being an adult as exciting but they fear they will never measure up. They get confused and lose their way. There are so many questions to answer..what do I want to do...if I make a mistake will I be stuck in it?...My friends are doing it and it isn\'t hurting them any. It\'s just a bad time, worse than puberty.
Cara had the right stuff...she had you!....and now Elissa you will always have Cara. Please, keep writing about her...feel her...tell her story and yours. Love Ya! Kathy
deleted_user
deleted_user

I too love reading everyone stories. Keep writing about Cara and as soon as I can I will start writing more about Jake. Lots of love, Jake\'s mom, Kathy
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Keep her memory alive like you are doing.... *hugs*
deleted_user
deleted_user

Elissa, you write beautifully! I\'m with Kathy: I love the stories. Maybe that would be a good thing for many of us to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user

This was beautiful. I lost my mom when I was 11 years old and I never talk about her...I never realized it but I just don\'t. After reading your shared memories I am going to start talking about and sharing the moments I\'ve shared with my mom.
God Bless...Big hugs...Debra :)