As always reading journals and what they write brings up my own feelings... and I feel compelled to share... I feel like I'm so self centered... Its not just that... I really want to help... but I want to share it with others so I copy it and write it here... yes I want you to know what I've been through... I want a hug... and I want to feel like its going to be all right... and I hope that maybe what I write will help you to... that it will be your hug... your comforting pat on the back... maybe even your chance to let out some of your own pain so that you can pick up and move on once again... if only for a little while...
Ahhhhh you bring up memories... I went to visit mama at the hospital... After I was there about 30 minutes she said I hate to be rude Elissa but I'm so tired honey I've got to sleep for a bit... I just laughed and told her that was fine I would lie down on the chair beside her...it was stretched out like a lounger... and rest with her... I lay there listening to her breathe... and I was happy... because I was there listening to my mama breathe just as I had so many times as a child... I used to sit on the side of my bed and be so scared... mama smoked and had terrible congestion... At night she'd have coughing spells that were awful... She kept a fan on her even in the winter so that when she had those spells she could get some air... so I'd sit there and wait till the fit was passed and she had laid down and was ok... We never want to lose our mothers... not even when we are mothers and grandmothers ourselves... I was with mama when she took her last breath... holding her and glad I could be there... but yes I miss her earthly presence...
April 22 will be the one year anniversary of her passing... I hope she will visit me again to tell me she is ok and how she and grandma and Cara and everyone are doing...
Ahhhhh you bring up memories... I went to visit mama at the hospital... After I was there about 30 minutes she said I hate to be rude Elissa but I'm so tired honey I've got to sleep for a bit... I just laughed and told her that was fine I would lie down on the chair beside her...it was stretched out like a lounger... and rest with her... I lay there listening to her breathe... and I was happy... because I was there listening to my mama breathe just as I had so many times as a child... I used to sit on the side of my bed and be so scared... mama smoked and had terrible congestion... At night she'd have coughing spells that were awful... She kept a fan on her even in the winter so that when she had those spells she could get some air... so I'd sit there and wait till the fit was passed and she had laid down and was ok... We never want to lose our mothers... not even when we are mothers and grandmothers ourselves... I was with mama when she took her last breath... holding her and glad I could be there... but yes I miss her earthly presence...
April 22 will be the one year anniversary of her passing... I hope she will visit me again to tell me she is ok and how she and grandma and Cara and everyone are doing...
Replies
Elissa - Thanks for sharing the memories from your heart. Here\'s my mama
story - after I got married off, she figured it was time for her to move, and she kept on moving for the next 15 years. Massachusetts, Florida, Kentucky, Tenneessee, and Missouri. We didn\'t really lose touch, but we weren\'t really close anymore. During that time, she remarried, but I guess that didn\'t work out very well. She finally settled in with my brother in Kentucky (so far out that the cell phones didn\'t work), caring for my young nephew, since my brother was a single Dad. Her health got progressively worse over the years, and one day we got the news that she had advanced cervical cancer, and had about 3 months left. Most of the family got together there (I\'m the eldest out of 9) and I arranged to drive up from Florida with my sister and my niece. Since there was room in the truck, my kids agot to come along also. We had a nice drive up, and stopped along the way in Atlanta, and Knoxville, taking in a few hours for rest and sightseeing. We got to spend almost a week there, with other family coming in. Mom, however, needed to go into the hospital at that time. With 6 or 7 of us in the hospital room, one of us inflated a latex glove, and we started batting it around the room, at the same time, talking about her options, chemo, hospice, and the rest. It was quite strange, and a great stress reliever. Nevertheless, three months later, she was gone. I am thankful that my last memories, and my kids couls see her, while she was still coherent, and fairly \"normal\". Her last wish was that all of us kids would go to Disney World, and celebrate her life by riding the roller coaster. The family is still spread out across the U.S, however, we do get together as often as we possibly can. She would be proud.