A friend here on daily strength asked me the following question. Now I talk about my struggles with suicide probably more then I should for some people's taste... I'm not asking for nor do I want pity... understanding is good... and if I can help someone who travels these dark roads... that is great! so here goes... queen of cheap again... I copied my friend's question and my response.
I just have a question for you that I wanted to ask you. When you lost your daughter at any point in your recovery have you ever thought about suicide ? If so, what has stopped you?
I've had thoughts of suicide for years... since I was 14 when I tried the first time. I took a bunch of asprin and went to bed... I was surprised when I woke up the next morning. I slit my wrists at 18... but I was drunk and not alone so really although I'm ashamed to admit it that was probably more of an anger fit... In 1983 I took an overdose and put a trash bag in the bed so that when I passed I wouldn't ruin the bed... Thoughtful bugger aren't I... Only a phone call from the school saved me... I'd put a suicide note in there figuring when my husband found me dead he'd have to use the phone book to call the coroner... There were lots of factors that contributed to these things... mainly it was me... I kept feeding the beast... I went through a spell of several months where I thought so much about suicide... I could feel all the things I thought about doing to myself... I wasn't afraid... I longed for death... but I couldn't do that to my family... I'd been in counseling for years... Finally I realized that live or die... it was up to me... and one of the first things I had to do was to stop feeding the beast... Thoughts of escape and suicide definitely cross my mind... When Cara died I thought the only thing I could do for her now was to commit suicide so I could be with her... I still today and probably forever think of suicide... but I don't think on it long... I have other family members who need me... and I need to be with them... Cara is not gone... her spirit is with me as are the spirits of all my other loved ones who have passed on...
This may be a whole lot more then you wanted. I share because I truly hope I can help people. I believe that bottom line it lies with us... and if we can take that on... we have more power then we think. I'm sorry I haven't written in a while... I too get busy and don't keep up... I often write things in my journal that I hope all my friends will read if they get time. That way if it in any way touches them and they want to talk about it they can drop me a line. Hugs I will be thinking about you. Elissa
I just have a question for you that I wanted to ask you. When you lost your daughter at any point in your recovery have you ever thought about suicide ? If so, what has stopped you?
I've had thoughts of suicide for years... since I was 14 when I tried the first time. I took a bunch of asprin and went to bed... I was surprised when I woke up the next morning. I slit my wrists at 18... but I was drunk and not alone so really although I'm ashamed to admit it that was probably more of an anger fit... In 1983 I took an overdose and put a trash bag in the bed so that when I passed I wouldn't ruin the bed... Thoughtful bugger aren't I... Only a phone call from the school saved me... I'd put a suicide note in there figuring when my husband found me dead he'd have to use the phone book to call the coroner... There were lots of factors that contributed to these things... mainly it was me... I kept feeding the beast... I went through a spell of several months where I thought so much about suicide... I could feel all the things I thought about doing to myself... I wasn't afraid... I longed for death... but I couldn't do that to my family... I'd been in counseling for years... Finally I realized that live or die... it was up to me... and one of the first things I had to do was to stop feeding the beast... Thoughts of escape and suicide definitely cross my mind... When Cara died I thought the only thing I could do for her now was to commit suicide so I could be with her... I still today and probably forever think of suicide... but I don't think on it long... I have other family members who need me... and I need to be with them... Cara is not gone... her spirit is with me as are the spirits of all my other loved ones who have passed on...
This may be a whole lot more then you wanted. I share because I truly hope I can help people. I believe that bottom line it lies with us... and if we can take that on... we have more power then we think. I'm sorry I haven't written in a while... I too get busy and don't keep up... I often write things in my journal that I hope all my friends will read if they get time. That way if it in any way touches them and they want to talk about it they can drop me a line. Hugs I will be thinking about you. Elissa
Replies
Hi Carasmom: Let me encourage you today with this: Ephesians 1:19 (God\'s Word) I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of God\'s power for us who believe Him. This is the same m ighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in heavenly realms. God is so rich in mercy and he loved us so very much, that even while we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God\'s special favor that we can be saved!) God saves us by His special favor when we believe!
denita
I am glad you are still here Elissa. *hugs*