Hi,

This is a letter to my friends and those who need a friend.

Below is a copy of a letter I sent to a friend from Grief Share. I know she's a friend because her letter was so kind but I don't remember if I answered her or what my original letter to her said. I wanted to share it so that my friends here would know what's going on with me and if its happened to you you won't feel so all alone... and I won't either...

Hi,

You're going to think I'm really crazy... Did I answer this email? What did I say in my initial letter? I have sort of fallen down in the last few days... I don't mean physically but emotionally and now I'm trying to get back up. Your letter is very kind and supportive and I really appreciate it so I'd like to know what has happened?

I feel so embarrassed to write this but I don't know what else to do. I save each day's griefshare message in a folder but I can't retrieve it. Maybe the message from the 4th was something I really need to read again. Can you send me a copy. Has this happened to anyone else? I feel somewhat frightened by how things are passing me by and I can't keep up.

** This is a copy of Grief Share's message for today and my initial mental and emotional response to it. I am sharing it in hopes that it will help you as it is helping me, not just initially but again and again as I think on it.

Identify Your Losses
Day 10

One reason grief disrupts so many aspects of your life is because your loss is not one isolated loss. You will miss so many qualities and facets of the person you lost that each will become an opportunity to experience grief.

The range of things you need to grieve for may surprise you. Identify your losses and be prepared to grieve for each one.


Use the list below as a starting point.
your companion
your lover
your encourager
your "entertainer"
your source of delight
the one who shares your private jokes
your breadwinner
the one who knows you so well
your housekeeper
the shoulder on which you cry
your cook
the arms that embrace and comfort you
your mechanic
the one who always cheers you
your friend
your pride and joy

Your list will go on and on. Say your losses out loud to God; speak until you run out of words to say. He knows your deepest needs, and He alone can provide. Do not skip this step.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).

O God, I have lost so much. Who will fill these gaping holes within me? You, Lordyes, You. Amen

My Response

Today's message was both comforting and painful. As I read the list of losses I acknowledged them and grieved them but I was also comforted remembering all the parts of my life I share with my daughter. For me today the scripture at first wasn't comforting. I want no one to replace the roles my daughter played in my life. I thought about it though and while I still want no one to replace these voids I do still want friends and I have made friends through this grieving process. So God is helping me replace some of my losses with new people who play new roles in my life, and I am grateful. I believe I fulfill the same need in some of the friends I have found here. I definitely hope so.

I will close for now and hope that I haven't offended you by not remembering things.
Hugs Elissa

P. S. There is one thing I want to add... often I read your journals and discussion posts but don't write anything. Its not because I don't feel anything. I feel plenty. Sometimes I am so touched by what was said that I don't know how to respond. Often everything I am thinking has already been said... still perhaps I should write ditto... Often what we share are words of comfort and I am comforted but it takes me time to think about things just like today's Grief Share message did... so what I'm trying to say now is thank you all so much for sharing. I Love You Elissa