I am writing this in response to a discussion post re has anyone had dreams... I had actually written this to post but then its very dismal so I decided to put it here in my journal... people can choose to or not to read it this way... Reading it isn't going to help you or me... I really don't recommend it... Sorry I just need to get the pain out and for today this is where I'm piling it...
My daughter came to me the morning she died... I didn't realize it at the time and I keep wondering why she didn't nor has she since said anything to me about why she came to me then... Naturally I wish she'd have said she loved me and that she was ok now but it wasn't like that... I told my husband about the dream but he was half asleep and doesn't even remember... I assumed the dream was the result of the fears I'd had for so many months... I had always been awake, but in my mind's eye I saw her so many times dead that I just went on to work... that's hard for me to deal with...
I dreamed about Cara before she was ever born... so I guess its right she came to me when she died... and I do believe it was at the time she died... What was she telling me... I picture her lying there on the interstate.... her body so broken... they told me she died instantly but I will always wonder... did she move her poor broken head and cry for me... I see those images in my mind... but those are only in my mind... In my dream she was laid out... from a distance she looked so swollen I couldn't tell it was her... I thought it was my mama... but then I went closer... and it was Cara...
I've visualized Cara since she died... I've looked at pictures and videos we have... Last night I dreamed about her again for the first time since she died... I dreamed that she died and they didn't tell me... My mom, my husband Woodrow, and her brother John were in my dream... they had buried her and didn't even tell me she was dead... I kept asking them why... how could they have done that knowing I'd never get to see her again... Cara's dad Woodrow died in 2003 and my mom died in April several months before she died... I know the dream isn't real... I saw my child... I know she's dead... but its hard... I have to wonder... when does it end...
My daughter came to me the morning she died... I didn't realize it at the time and I keep wondering why she didn't nor has she since said anything to me about why she came to me then... Naturally I wish she'd have said she loved me and that she was ok now but it wasn't like that... I told my husband about the dream but he was half asleep and doesn't even remember... I assumed the dream was the result of the fears I'd had for so many months... I had always been awake, but in my mind's eye I saw her so many times dead that I just went on to work... that's hard for me to deal with...
I dreamed about Cara before she was ever born... so I guess its right she came to me when she died... and I do believe it was at the time she died... What was she telling me... I picture her lying there on the interstate.... her body so broken... they told me she died instantly but I will always wonder... did she move her poor broken head and cry for me... I see those images in my mind... but those are only in my mind... In my dream she was laid out... from a distance she looked so swollen I couldn't tell it was her... I thought it was my mama... but then I went closer... and it was Cara...
I've visualized Cara since she died... I've looked at pictures and videos we have... Last night I dreamed about her again for the first time since she died... I dreamed that she died and they didn't tell me... My mom, my husband Woodrow, and her brother John were in my dream... they had buried her and didn't even tell me she was dead... I kept asking them why... how could they have done that knowing I'd never get to see her again... Cara's dad Woodrow died in 2003 and my mom died in April several months before she died... I know the dream isn't real... I saw my child... I know she's dead... but its hard... I have to wonder... when does it end...
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sometimes, when I start to fall asleep, my mind goes to the memory of finding Joey.It wanders there, and its my guilt, fears and everything else coming out. I dont know when it ends..people say in time it gets softer...I will have to trust what some of them say..hugs and love
I don\'t think I can even respond to this... something I rarely, if ever, say.
I\'m here if you need me. And I care very much that you are ok.
When I thought about Chris being ejected from his car I was almost beside myself. He was wearing his seat belt but he hit trees so hard on the driver\'s side that it apparently tore the whole side of his car off actually moved the whole seat belt mechanism allowing him to be ejected. The thing that has kept me sane was remembering what Bishop TD Jakes once said-he and his family were in a horrific car accident-they lived, but he said that when you saw their car, had they died everyone would have said, \"oh my God, how horrible, I know they all had to suffer so much and be so terrified, etc.\" But he said that wasn\'t true at all-as the accident was occuring they were at total peace-he said a peace come into that car and just filled it-he knows it was God\'s spirit and they were never scared. But had they died everyone would have assumed it was a horrible death and it wouldn\'t have been. So I think that this is what happens-somehow, beyond our understanding God sends our angels to us and there is just a peace that happens that those of us left alive can\'t comprehend. The first service that we attended after Chris died, the reading was from Psalms and I couldn\'t believe it-it just spoke to me so much and comforted me because it said, \"God, you saved me from my terror, you kept me in my distress\" and I knew then that I couldn\'t dwell on how the accident happened but had to know that Chris was not alone-we are never alone in our final moments no matter how we die-but our angels are right there and God gives a peace we cannot understand now, but will then. I hope this somehow can help you.