today started out not too good... I didn't sleep much last night... I had to go to the infusion place to have my central line site checked, dressed etc... I've pulled my central line almost out... probably rolled over in my sleep and now the "cuff" is almost out... but for now its flushing well and the meds are going in... I had to drive by the hospital where I had taken Cara the night before she died... its the first time I've been by there... I feel like they failed her so badly... and so did I... we all failed - her included... ignorance united we fall...
we have to go on... but it was rough... cried a lot... I know its all part of it...
I'm better now... I've faced one more troublesome place... still haven't gone to where she died... I'm afraid to...
we have to go on... but it was rough... cried a lot... I know its all part of it...
I'm better now... I've faced one more troublesome place... still haven't gone to where she died... I'm afraid to...
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(((((hugs))) I made myself go back to the apt building where Joey died, I didnt go in, but I needed to face that fear...it wasnt as hard as I thought..you will know when you are ready...little triggers set me off too ...so glad to see you in chat...much love
((Carasmom)) YOU did not fail your Cara, we are not given a hand book at their birth , we do not know what life path they have chosen. we do the best we can. Its hard I know hon, God I know , It\'s been ten months almost eleven, for my loss of my son to suicide. I have over come finally over come the feeling of not being the best mom , I did what I could for the circumstances I lived through. All I can do is hold him close in my heart, keep his memory alive, and wait until I am called home to meet him once again. GOd this road is hard, so much suffering.