Today has been a good day so far. Tonight might be a different story though. It will be the first marriage counseling session since I have been out of the hospital. I am sure my husband will call me helpless again, and he will say he feels the need to protect me. He has already told me that he is worried because I sleep alot during the day. And that I don't sleep with him at night, I have been sleeping on the couch. I feel more comfortable sleeping alone. I need my space right now. Things were said to me while I was in the hospital by him that I can't forget. Like we haven't had a relationship in ten years. If we haven't had a relationship in ten years then why the hell have we stayed married. I feel like this whole marriage is a lie. I want out. But I don't have the guts to finally file the papers that I have already had drawn up. I am afraid to be alone. I am afraid that I will lose my kids. I am afraid to bring any of this up in marriage counseling, because I don't want to get him so angry that I have to pay for it later at home. Things at home have been going good. I think it is because of my stay in the hospital. He doesn't want me to go back in there. I don't want to have to go back in there either. Why does life have to suck so bad some times?