I basically had a good day. We went to marriage counseling today. I am always angry when I go there. My husband doesn't seem to understand why we are there, we are there because we can't communicate with each other,even though he acts as though there is nothing the matter. I say my piece and he just sits there and disagrees with me, and I get more angry. I always leave there more anxious. I wonder if marriage counseling is really the answer for us. I suggested a separation but he says it would be devastating to the kids. But I think that we are hurting the kids the way we are now. We don't argue but we don't talk either. We talked about my sexual abuse in counseling today, he seems to think that is why he feels he has to protect me from the world, I disagreed that I do not need protection, I can take care of myself, I can stand on my two feet, I can take charge of myself. He seems to think I am helpless, he has said that I am helpless. That just pisses me off. I have no therapy sessions this week, my therapist is on vacation, I am going to have to be my own therapist this week lol. So far so good even though it has only been one day. I have been sleeping the last couple of nights so I am glad about that. No nightmares or flashbacks for a couple of days, though memories have been strong. I seem to have memories of the abuse everyday. It doesn't seem to be too bad though. Its my marriage that is troubling me more and giving me anxiety right now. Hopefully I will continue to have better days this week.
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It does seem that our memories are strong and it seems that is all we can think about but I guess that is how it gets worked out. Sometimes I feel I was better off pushing it far away than it is to deal with it, but I know in reality that isn\'t the case. Hopefully, working on these issues will make the memories less intrusive in our lives. I\'m taking the therapists word on this and they better be right!!
I know that we often have warped views of ourselves, but it sounds like HE has a warped view of you. Until he sees you more truly, I\'m not sure if counseling will help. And I do agree with you that the kids are getting hurt this way as well. And face it, he doesn\'t want a separation coz of all the upheaval it will cause. I\'m NOT saying that it\'s even a good idea, I\'m just saying he\'s got more than 1 reason for not wanting it. Good luck, sweetie!
It\'s a \"man thing\", honey. He is the \"protector\" so that\'s all he knows what to do. They cannot understand what you are going through so he sees you as weak, which of course, you are not. He does not \"get it\", probably never will. So you need your meds, therapy and your friends who can understand what you are going through. See, we\'ve \"been there, seen that, have a t-shirt\". Be strong and keep going, my friend.