I had a terrible nights sleep. I had a nightmare. I knew going to my nieces birthday party would trigger flashbacks from my childhood sexual abuse. I had a week of feeling good and now I am back to where I started again. When will I ever get over this. I go to therapy tommorow, and she will have to put me back together again. That is what I feel like she is doing every time this happens. I am so tired from getting up at 5am to go to work today for 7am. My husband still doesn't understand me, so I am getting no support at home which really sucks big time. I feel very alone. I hope tonight I sleep. I hope tommorow will be a better day. I can only hope.
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I\'m pullin for you.
I know how you are feeling. I\'ve been there myself quite a few times. Do you keep a dream journal so that you can go over it with your therapist? You are recognizing your triggers that is a good thing. That means you are making progress. It may feel like you aren\'t but you really are. I bet you before you started therapy you would not even have known what was triggering you. You had a good time at your nieces don\'t forget that. Remember that and when a flashback comes try to replace it with how you loved seeing cake all over your niece. Don\'t let your abuser ruin the moment for you. Hey, my therapist is always putting me back together. That\'s what they are there for. Nothing to be ashamed of it happens to all of us. When we don\'t need to be put back together that\'s when we\'ll know that we have moved from victim to survivor. It is hard when you don\'t get support at home. I think maybe sometimes it is hard for our spouses to understand but some time I think it is because they don\'t know what to do. The male pharmacist I worked with, told me it is a man\'s nature to fix things and when they don\'t know how it really throws them off. It\'s true they do try to fix things. Sometimes I have to tell my husband, to just listen that I\'m not looking for a solution or for him to fix anything. Just listen. You are not alone. we are here for you. Don\'t let yourself get sleep deprived because then you are in for a lot of trouble. If you are having problems sleeping, talk to your Dr. about it. Please don\'t let it get out of hand. I\'ve been down that road, for about 6 months I got 2hrs. sleep a night. You end up being an adrenaline junkie because that is all that keeps you going but then there\'s the crash. Not good. Try not to worry about sleeping. If you start to have problems and your mind is going to a place you don\'t want to go, think of a place that you love to go and take your mind there. Has your therapist ever taught you about guided imagery. It works for me most of the time. I take myself to the beach and I sit there letting the waves wash over my feet. Sometimes I even bring my inner child there and just cuddle with her on the beach watching the waves. It sounds kind of weird but it is kind of like nurturing the child in us that was abused. I\'ve seen you use the word hope quite a bit in your journal entry. You are further than you think in your healing if you can find it in you to hope. Enough said for tonight. Sleep well my friend. I\'m here for you.
Love,
Lucy(Soleil)
I can really relate to flash backs. Had a few of my own yesterday. Tell your dude that he doesn\'t have to understand you, just support you, be there for you. I\'m sorry, that came out harsher than I meant it. I still have a lot of man-anger. We love and support you here:) Hope it helps!!!!