Last night I did'nt get any sleep, the flashbacks were too intense. I tossed and turned and finally got out of bed about 2 am to take a couple of ativan. i hate when the flashbacks come at night, I feel so scared and terrorized and alone. I tried my techniques and they somewhat worked but only to an extent. I don't have any support at home so I deal with this alone, and believe me I felt very alone last night. The only thing I really had to comfort me was my blanket and my cat who was laying on my head purring away. It kind of soothed me. It is a funny thing how pets can do that to you. He must of sensed that something was wrong. I got up this morning very tired and very grumpy, I have had three cups of coffee and still feel like I have been run over by a freight train. Maybe I should try and take a nap before my therapy at 2:45. I better not I probably won't wake up in time and I can't miss my appointment I really need to go today.
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I went to therapy this afternoon and thought that I was feeling better, I layed down when I came home hoping to catch a nap because I did\'nt get any sleep last night but found the flashbacks too intense again. I feel very anxious and out of control as usual what is wrong with me! I tell myself that what happened to me is in the past and that I am safe now, but I still feel very alone and isolated. I need to talk it out with someone. I think I may have to call my therapist, which is something I hate to do, I hate to bother her all the time. She says that she does not mind and that I should call her and that we can talk it out. I think maybe I will call her and talk it through.