life....

so 1. my baby is three weeks old doing good love being a mom , but yes im starting to get my moments were it just feels like all i do is feedfeed feed,
     2. my work thing is settled kinda for right now , unfortinly my boss broke her leg witch gave me extra time but i needed to get on assistance to keep my bills paid.
     3. couldnt do this with out my mom around but still feel like all i wanna do somtimes is cry but it has went down for the needing to .
     4. my 16 year old cusin is staying with us right now and well wow constintly picking up after her shes not going to school when shes suppose to like sleeping in and crap , she keeps saying o i want a baby but she caint even watch my 2 year old niece properly , like how do u plan on having kids then like really.
    5. my bf , not my babys daddy, hes so great to me he tries to spoil me when he can and his family is great , i been with him for 7 months now shouldnt i know if i love him yet, with the bfs that i did love i new after like few months and i just dont know i know i like him, but i dont know could it be my hormones outa wake still from being pregnant?
   6. a friend who was suppose to through me a baby shower got engage , her wedding is 2 years away and she expects me to be maid of honour and she is more concerned with planning her wedding then helping me do a baby shower , i been there for her but when her mom passed away i put everything aside for her , and when i ask her to help me out with somthing or whatever i get nutting, usually i blow up but now when i told her when the baby shower was im planning now for my self i get a reply of caint promise anything. and then few days later oh i caint come, all she is, is excuses after another. for once i didnt flip out on her for doing so . i just said k fine , and i will just slowly cut down things i do for her.
7. relized i got no true friends no one i can fully open up to anymore , any one i use to that i miss , even if we do end up on talking terms , like one so far , caint get to close any more.
8. feels so lost in this big world and getting more lost as time goes on , god please help me find my way