woundering if any of it will get better , wishing hope he would ome around but , if he hasnt already , y should i let him be there if he isnt going to be ther for me now , hows that fair , let him come around when the fuck he wanna and the other guy hes already helping me , trying to make me happy as friend wise , hes giving me mula when im short being there offering to come to docters apointments  and all , god help me this does feel real anymore with all my pain , no job bills going sky high what to do, what to do i dont even know what i wanna do for job any more it all feels so dumb and continuing to be dumb as fuck , im so tempted when lyndon is all poor me poor me just to say fuck u life its always about ur shit maybe thats y he caint keep girls or they cheat fucking prick not once has he been there for me , and its two months , an he said he wanted a family well too bad he caint handle it if this is how he treats me , yes my fault for getting pregnant but really , fuck