I've never actually done this before, never written a journal before, but I've that writing down your feelings can help. I pray to god that it does.
I just don't know what to do. I have no one to turn to and I think there might be something wrong with me. I just...I can't seem to find any joy in life anymore. Everything is either just dull and lifeless or it's hell. This fatigue isn't new, but it's worse than ever and sometimes I worry that I won't make through high school. I hurt myself again. I promised I'd never do it again, but I just couldn't stop this time. I've tried to convince myself that it's not that bad, I mean it's not like I used a razor or any other tool, I just dug my nails into my calf, over and over again until it bled. But it's been almost two weeks and I think it's going to scar. The bright future I used to see for myself doesn't seem to be reachable anymore, and I honestly don't know what to do.
I have no reason to be feeling this. I've got a good home, good grades, no trouble with school, massive amounts of community work and an IQ that is just scraping the genius level. I should be able to just zip through high school, easily obtain a degree or two and live my life happily as a researcher. But, everything is just so wrong...I honestly don't know what to do with myself...
RK