Me
Since I lost my baby my life has gone through many things. It actually started the year before Jerred died. On May 1st 1991 my husband went through his first alcohol treatment program. While he was there all 3 boys got the chicken pox and I almost overdosed my oldest son Jono on benadryl, I was giving all the boys that to help with the itching and the pain. Well Jono had them the worst, his back felt like alligator skin, so I was also putting caladryl on him without realizing it also contained benadryl. Luckily my neighbor caught it and with in me stopping the caladryl it only took him an hour to be back to as normal as he could be at that time. when Greg got home within a month we got a call that his father had suffered a massive heart attack and his step mother had put him on life support, they were in Texarkana TX. I wound u at midnight packing the boys in the car and driving Greg 3 hours to his sisters so they could get down to their dad, say goodbye and get him off life support and then drive right back home. Well this was all it took to start him drinking again.
1992. Greg was put again by his job into another treatment program, this one an out patient one and it was a total joke as he never stopped drinking. Then the worst day of my life happened. Luckily I was well known in our area and had lots of support everywhere I turned. Greg's stepmom stayed with us after Jerr's death as we had to move within a month after he died. That was the easiest move I have ever had, so many people showed up to help that I did not have to do a thing. I was told just walk around and lock in your memories. Pat (stepmom) stayed with us until the middle of October when she became very ill and we had to do an emergency flight for her back home to Missouri. She died less then a month later and we were unable to go down to her funeral as we were not financially capable. her daughter's blamed us for her death so God was protecting us.
Within a couple years we lost Greg's grandfather who was more his father as he lived with them for years after his mom died and before we got married. Then a few more years later his grandma died. Her death was hard to handle since she shares Jerred's angel day...so for me instead of mourning her I was remembering Jerred and what I went through that same week in 1992.
The deaths stopped for awhile then but not the treatment programs. In the end I put Greg through 9 programs in 12 years with the last 21 months having him live an hour away from home, go through the program, live in the halfway house, get a job and his own apartment and most of all stay sober for a full year. well he made it through the first program, failed out of the halfway house, went across town to the VA center and was in their program for 14 months and then kicked out. He showed up back at home and was waiting for me to get home from work. I was livid but not as bad as Jono was. When Jono got home he saw him, looked at me and said point blank "MOM either HE goes or I do". I did not even bat an eye I looked at Greg and said I have lost one son I will not lose another. There is the door use it NOW!. He looked at me dumbfounded and said where am I supposed to go I just said I do not care just leave now. Well he went to our garage and stayed in our broken van. This was in March and it was a very cold March that year (2002). He lasted 2 days and was waiting for me in the entry way of our apartment building and asked if he could please come up and stay in the apartment. Said you have to talk to Jono not me about this. So he waited and asked Jono when he got home. Jono laid down the rules big time. First no drinking at all, next leave mom alone you sleep on the couch, third you only have 4 days to figure out where you are going and if you are not gone in 4 days you will be booted and not allowed in again. Needless to say he was gone in 2 days. On the day I took him away he put his hands on my shoulders and said straight to myself "You were right, I DO choose my alcohol over you and the boys. It means so much more to me", he could have just as well as slapped me. Anything I felt for him at this point died right there. For the next couple of years he tried whatever he could to come back but I had had enough. Divorce was final in September 2003. 5 years ago he died all alone up in Fargo ND, no one had any idea where he was. He laid in his apartment for 3 weeks before his body was found with 3 2 liter empty bottles of booze beside him.
About 3 years prior to his death I became very sick and in major pain. It took just over a year and many tests to finally figure out what was wrong with me. My doctor and I were so frustrated so he took my chart and went and talked to a colleague of his who is an internist and told him everything about me both medically and personally. He said he would gladly see me. He studied my chart and when I went into see him he was ready. He introduced himself and said I believe I already know what is going on with you but first I need to hear from you what has been going on, what you are feeling etc. After I told him he did a quick little test of touching 18 areas on my body, each one hurting badly. He then looked at me and smiled and said I was right you have fibromyalgia. I had never heard of it. He explained it some to me, gave me some prescriptions and said come back in a month. Right before he walked out of the room he aid now go home get on your computer and research, research research and never stop. In 11 years I have still not stopped researching. It took us 2 years to find the right cocktail of meds to let me have some sembelance of a normal life.
A lot of other issues come along with fibro, plus I have had numerous surgeries in the years since being diagnosed. I have had also had kidney cancer and lost my left kidney. I also have had 5 other surgeries with the last one being hernia repair on February 1st of this year.
Needless to say my life has not been easy and I have had to put myself on the back burner while I finished raising my 2 sons. All the stress is what we figure caused the fibro and the other 30 some diagnosis' that I have. Last year (2015) I made my first ever true New Year's resolution. It was to find the positive in everything even my pain. I also made a bucket list and on that list is to lose 60 pounds,to date I have lost 35 from last June, get my teeth fixed, 3 more appointments and that will be done, get happy with myself as I am and then to find my soulmate,best friend, confidant, lover and companion. Well 2 days before Christmas I met him and we have been inseparable ever since. Everyone who sees me now says they can not believe how happy I look, and I can honestly say for the most part I really am. I just need to get rid of this pneumonia which I have had for over 6 weeks, finish healing from my surgery and figure out what is happening with my thyroid. I am quite weak right now and generally feel like crud.
This may not seem like it but it is a quick story of my life and the roller coaster ride I have been on.
1992. Greg was put again by his job into another treatment program, this one an out patient one and it was a total joke as he never stopped drinking. Then the worst day of my life happened. Luckily I was well known in our area and had lots of support everywhere I turned. Greg's stepmom stayed with us after Jerr's death as we had to move within a month after he died. That was the easiest move I have ever had, so many people showed up to help that I did not have to do a thing. I was told just walk around and lock in your memories. Pat (stepmom) stayed with us until the middle of October when she became very ill and we had to do an emergency flight for her back home to Missouri. She died less then a month later and we were unable to go down to her funeral as we were not financially capable. her daughter's blamed us for her death so God was protecting us.
Within a couple years we lost Greg's grandfather who was more his father as he lived with them for years after his mom died and before we got married. Then a few more years later his grandma died. Her death was hard to handle since she shares Jerred's angel day...so for me instead of mourning her I was remembering Jerred and what I went through that same week in 1992.
The deaths stopped for awhile then but not the treatment programs. In the end I put Greg through 9 programs in 12 years with the last 21 months having him live an hour away from home, go through the program, live in the halfway house, get a job and his own apartment and most of all stay sober for a full year. well he made it through the first program, failed out of the halfway house, went across town to the VA center and was in their program for 14 months and then kicked out. He showed up back at home and was waiting for me to get home from work. I was livid but not as bad as Jono was. When Jono got home he saw him, looked at me and said point blank "MOM either HE goes or I do". I did not even bat an eye I looked at Greg and said I have lost one son I will not lose another. There is the door use it NOW!. He looked at me dumbfounded and said where am I supposed to go I just said I do not care just leave now. Well he went to our garage and stayed in our broken van. This was in March and it was a very cold March that year (2002). He lasted 2 days and was waiting for me in the entry way of our apartment building and asked if he could please come up and stay in the apartment. Said you have to talk to Jono not me about this. So he waited and asked Jono when he got home. Jono laid down the rules big time. First no drinking at all, next leave mom alone you sleep on the couch, third you only have 4 days to figure out where you are going and if you are not gone in 4 days you will be booted and not allowed in again. Needless to say he was gone in 2 days. On the day I took him away he put his hands on my shoulders and said straight to myself "You were right, I DO choose my alcohol over you and the boys. It means so much more to me", he could have just as well as slapped me. Anything I felt for him at this point died right there. For the next couple of years he tried whatever he could to come back but I had had enough. Divorce was final in September 2003. 5 years ago he died all alone up in Fargo ND, no one had any idea where he was. He laid in his apartment for 3 weeks before his body was found with 3 2 liter empty bottles of booze beside him.
About 3 years prior to his death I became very sick and in major pain. It took just over a year and many tests to finally figure out what was wrong with me. My doctor and I were so frustrated so he took my chart and went and talked to a colleague of his who is an internist and told him everything about me both medically and personally. He said he would gladly see me. He studied my chart and when I went into see him he was ready. He introduced himself and said I believe I already know what is going on with you but first I need to hear from you what has been going on, what you are feeling etc. After I told him he did a quick little test of touching 18 areas on my body, each one hurting badly. He then looked at me and smiled and said I was right you have fibromyalgia. I had never heard of it. He explained it some to me, gave me some prescriptions and said come back in a month. Right before he walked out of the room he aid now go home get on your computer and research, research research and never stop. In 11 years I have still not stopped researching. It took us 2 years to find the right cocktail of meds to let me have some sembelance of a normal life.
A lot of other issues come along with fibro, plus I have had numerous surgeries in the years since being diagnosed. I have had also had kidney cancer and lost my left kidney. I also have had 5 other surgeries with the last one being hernia repair on February 1st of this year.
Needless to say my life has not been easy and I have had to put myself on the back burner while I finished raising my 2 sons. All the stress is what we figure caused the fibro and the other 30 some diagnosis' that I have. Last year (2015) I made my first ever true New Year's resolution. It was to find the positive in everything even my pain. I also made a bucket list and on that list is to lose 60 pounds,to date I have lost 35 from last June, get my teeth fixed, 3 more appointments and that will be done, get happy with myself as I am and then to find my soulmate,best friend, confidant, lover and companion. Well 2 days before Christmas I met him and we have been inseparable ever since. Everyone who sees me now says they can not believe how happy I look, and I can honestly say for the most part I really am. I just need to get rid of this pneumonia which I have had for over 6 weeks, finish healing from my surgery and figure out what is happening with my thyroid. I am quite weak right now and generally feel like crud.
This may not seem like it but it is a quick story of my life and the roller coaster ride I have been on.
Replies
Hi Susie, I am glad you found love. You have certainly had too much loss. Hugs, Linda, Ed\'s mom
Thank you Linda, it has been a tough road especially health wise and am now going through alot more health wise. To the point of thinking about giving up but know better am just really frustrated and scared. I had been doing so well then all of a sudden I am slammed back down. But I know this too shall pass and having someone who really accepts me as I am and loves me helps, tired of doing this all alone.
Gentle Hugs and Blessings,
Susie, Jerred\'s mom