Going to a couples ministry at church once a week with my wife. Went to our first meeting last night. I think that it will help me see other perspectives and learn to seek God's help more for my troubles. I think at this point in my marriage she is really wishing that I could just look at the present and be happy again with our relationship. I really wish I were happy too. I used to be the happiest guy around on most days and it has been a long time a little over a year since I felt really happy. I am happy with who I am and how much I have improved in many ways. I am happy with my life most days it looks as if I really have nothing that I should complain about, Yet I just seem to hold on to a painful memory of the affair and can not seem to let that betrayal go. I just can't stop obsessing over the person that she was and all of the deception that she caused. I still have to find a way to accept this part of our marriage and just move on.
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It can take time to re-adjust your relationship\'s narrative to incorporate that person you discovered. She wasn\'t the person you thought she was, and you\'re having to figure out how to incorporate that picture into the whole.
Most people are not there at one year out even if everything is going good.
I just came to a point, after a period of depression about the whole loss, where I said to myself, \"It happened. There\'s nothing I can do or say to change that fact. It will be a part of my history for the rest of my life. It is what it is. I either accept that and move forward, or I sit lamenting the life I\'d lost, going nowhere.\" I came to a point of acceptance over it. I felt as if thinking about it and wishing it hadn\'t happened and focusing on my losses was a lousy way to live.
Logically, you\'ll probably agree. But emotionally, you may not be there yet. Most of us have to go through a period of depression. But at some point you will be ready to move on, and actually do it. When you can honestly emotionally focus on the future with hope, happiness will return. When that will happen for you, who knows? That\'s where you need to be patient with yourself, focus on your own personal growth, and she also needs to be patient with you. There is no deadline on when you get there. It heals when it heals. If you are both committed toward providing an environment for that healing to take place, eventually it will.
Glad the couples ministry appears to be a positive step. May it provide you both with guidance and healing through this.
Thank you so Much Cole, you and your wife have helped me a whole lot it means a ton to me.