Lost

I am lost in thought. I keep thinking about the past and I keep wondering if getting my ex out of my life for good was a good idea. I just keep thinking about darker and darker things going in an endless spiral. I keep wondering what things would be like if I was different, if i was in a different situation. What would the world would be like if i was never born. Would everything be better? Would a lot of more people be happy? Would less people be hurt from the actions that I have done? I do not know, but I am stuck on a lot of things. I thought this place would help, but I feel a bit too shy to actually say the things that are on my mind, and what I have done. I am scared that people are going to brand me as so many things that I do not want to be. I do not want to be hated or feared. I don't want to be an outcast. I just do not want to do anymore. I want to let things out and get them off my chest, but I feel like I can't. I feel like something is chaining them to me. I want help, yet I do not want it. My mind is a battle field and I am losing. If that even makes any sense.