Not sure,,,
So depressed lately, just want to sleep. Sleep brings no thinking, no talking, no chores. Sleep is generally safe, quiet ( except for the noise that the dogs make, send them outside if I could) I have been reading some posts here, nice job of helping each other ladies.
My son was moved to a holding facility, I called, no visitors for a week or two, As most of you know it is typically the blind leading the sight-impaired in those places. No call from him yet either. Just keep stressing as usual.
Needed to vent, but tell the group that I love their unconditional support for each other.
My son was moved to a holding facility, I called, no visitors for a week or two, As most of you know it is typically the blind leading the sight-impaired in those places. No call from him yet either. Just keep stressing as usual.
Needed to vent, but tell the group that I love their unconditional support for each other.
Replies
Its ok the system is nuts and i sware the co don\'t know what is going on most of the time. I hope you get to see him soon in the mean time have sweet dreams.
Thank you and bless you for just being here listening, writing, ect
Several crying episodes last couple of days. Currently out of town at dgtrs in NC, staying with her two young children while their folks are out of the country.
Unfortunately, especially at first, there will be many crying episodes. They do get less as you get more into this. It takes awhile. So much anger at what has happened, so much anger at how he has to live. So much frustration with the justice system, and how we can\'t find out anything.
Once you start hearing from him regularly and can hear that he is ok for the most part, then you will find ways to not cry so much and think of other things. The key now is to keep busy.
Yes, I too did the wanting to sleep it all away. And I did, with the help of allergy medicine or sleeping pills, over the counter. It wasn\'t a way to live, but it did get me through the rough first weeks or so.
Once also you can tell he is doing better, and finding a friend or two to confide in, and go for walks with, or go to the gym with, and you know he is adapting to his situation better, then you will feel better.
It sounds impossible I know, to just keep busy and focus on other things. But if you can for short periods of time at first, be it, cleaning, or shopping, or reading, or writing down all your emotions and feelings, along with writing to him daily, then you will do better.
When I got him a TV, and he could do something to take his mind off of where he was for those moments, I felt better. And we would watch the same shows, so we were sort of doing the same thing. There are many things you can write to him about, and maybe send him subscriptions to magazines he would like. It helps him, and makes you feel you are doing something positive to get him through this.
Been there, done that too many times with son and fiance. Mostly fiance. I have found the best thing to do is let him stay in touch with his outside world where he did live by telling him about people he knew, or things you hear about in his community he lived in, send him copies of articles in the paper about things that have happened, that he would be interested in. Send pictures. Not just of family and friends, but if you get a new car, or paint the house, or anything, so he can envision things going on where he lived. Make him feel part of his real world out here. Take him to places through pictures.. maybe of places he might like to go to someday when he is free. They live vicariously through what we write to them and tell them. Mine has to have the weirdest pictures. Like if I have a dent in the car, or he has to see a picture of the part I had to replace, to observe it and see if he could tell what was wrong with it. Mine also got into craft projects that takes up a lot of his time, and gives himself something to feel he accomplished and can be proud of, and actually sells some of them, in the visiting room, or through me. He helps pay his canteen that way, and helps me pay the bills too. It gives him great satisfaction that he is helping me and not being just a burden to me. We discuss where I can order things from, what he needs, and other things.
Years ago when he was in, he wanted to find out about his heredity. He didn\'t grow up with his dad. So I did actually find out MORE than I ever dreamed. Way back into his father\'s side of the family to even back to the 1700\'s and before. I found interesting things written about them, telling things that show how he was shaped in his personality and looks by genetics. He couldn\'t wait to get my next big yellow envelope with information. His family was in the Civil War, and there were even pictures. It was awesome for both of us. It really helped us both get through the awful days he was in. It gave him something to look forward to.
If you can find something he would really be fascinated about getting in the mail, and it would give you a real purpose, then you both would be a bit better for awhile. And then you will also learn how to survive this.
I am sorry for the moment, I can\'t remember how long your son has to be in prison.
I have went through this MANY times, and many years off and on. I always get really depressed at first, then get a bit better, then I learn to have somewhat of a life without him, but never for a moment stop thinking of him, how I miss him and how life would be if it hadn\'t happened. But I put it into perspective and think, it is doing no good to sit and cry, or sleep, and be depressed all of the time. I ruined myself financially doing that at first. Then I got off that pity party I was throwing for myself, and got myself signed up for school, got my degree, got a job, and started seeing my family more and a few friends. I did have to learn to live alone and handle things. I couldn\'t just sit and cry and let everything fall apart. It was bad for me when I did and it made him feel worse that he had caused all of this chaos and hell for both of us.
Stick with him, stand by him no matter what, but don\'t forget you have to live your life for You too. Hope that didn\'t sound too blunt, but it is what I came to realize after a long time of just being sad, and dwelling on all the bad stuff and feelings. We aren\'t promised another day, so we have to make the best of what we have.
100%agree with everything ihate has said.
Big hugs