It turned out to be a pretty frustrating day for me.  We went to a wedding for my wife's cousin.  Harrison didn't take a nap, so he was over-tired.  There were many people there and loud music, so Harrison ws over-stimulated as well.  he just kept running back an forth between these two lit trees.  That wasn't the problem.  It was when he wanted to play around the table with the wedding cake that I had to put a stop to it.  Harrison got fixated on that table nd kept trying to go back to it, ignoring everything I said.  I think he may have saw it as a "comfort zone" in an unfamiliar and overstimulating environment.  What I knew for sure was that I was getting very frustrated.  Harrison couldn't communicate with me to express his frustrations.  He just cried and flopped to the ground many times.  In situations like this, I try to think that we're the only two people in the room.  That makes the inevitable stares easier to tolerate.  Harrison hadn't had a meltdown like that in a long time, and it caught me off guard.  I found myself thinking things for which I am very ashamed of myself for thinking. There were other kids there, playing and running around.  I found myself thinking, "Why can't Harrison be like that?  Why can't he just be like all the other normal kids."  After I got him to sit down (to a piece of GFCF cake I made for him) and saw him happily eating that piece of cake, tears came to my eyes.  I felt so incredibly guilty for even thinking a thought like that.  I felt like the worst parent in the world for thinking a thought like that.  Harrison isn't like any other child; he is my child, unique unto himself.  I am (and should be) proud of him every moment of every day.  I shouldn't be ashamed of what he can't do.  Instead, I should be proud of what he's done and worked through.  Autism is just a part of who he is, which bring me to another point. Let's say that he recovers from most of his autistic symptoms, what then?  Will my little boy still be the little boy he is?  I have gotten so used to him depending on me for pretty much everything that I wouldn't know what to do if he got to the point where he could do most things for himself.  Autism is so much a part of who he is, and I wouldn't want to change him because I love him for who he is.  But a parent should always want to make the best life for their children, which is why I have to let go of my feelings about keeping Harrison the way he is.  I have to do everything I can to ease as many of his autistic symptoms as possible, so he can have that life that I am supposed to provide.  I have to do these things for him and NOT for me.  He is (and always be) my little boy and I love him very much. I just checked on him, and he is sleeping so peacefully.  He is that little angel in my life that keeps everything else in perspective.  He makes me realize what's important.  He as shown me how to truly be a compassionate and understanding parent.  For that, I will always be truly thankful for him, just the way he is.