Yesterday was a little better, but it seems as though every time I see a pregnant woman, I get angry.  I tell myself that it just doesn't seem fair, but I wouldn't want to wish anybody else to go through what my wife and I are going through.  I'm still trying to convince myself that this happened for a purpose, a purpose that I am blind to right now.  My heart still feels heavy, but it doesn't seem as bad.  I still feel as though I'm just going through the motions, barely enough to get back home to my family.  We are in this together, and only together, can we help each other heal.  My wife and I talk about her miscarriage, but it seems as though we can only talk for so long before we become emotionally exhausted and end up in each other's arms.     As for my wife, I can't even begin to imagine what she is going through.  I don't care what anybody says, but women, by far, have the worst of it in these situations.  I mean, my wife went from not being pregnant to being pregnant and back to not being pregnant (tragically) once again.  The hormonal changes her body is going through just have to be almost unbearable and throwing her system completely out of wack.  I cry for my lost baby, but I also look at her and cry because of what she is going through.  I love her too much to see her go through this and NOT feel these emotions.     As for my son and his recent Autism diagnosis.  I have to pull myself through this because there's a little boy who needs me right now.  I'm doing the best I can, but it all seems overbearing right now.  He's only 2 1/2, so I'm glad he doesn't understand what has happened.  The only thing he does know is that mommy and daddy have been giving him many, many more hugs and kisses lately.  I have to be there for him as well, but I'm having a difficult time balancing the time between my wife and my son.  But like I said earlier, we all have to go through this together.     The letter that I wrote to my little baby in my last journal really helped.  I originally wrote it on a piece of paper, and I carry it with me everywhere.  When I need to, I get it out and read it.  It's been getting easier to read it each time, so I will continue to write these letters as long as it helps.                To my dear little baby,          It's only been a few days since I lost you, but I miss you terribly.  I miss holding your mommy's tummy and talking to you.  I miss the talks your mommy and I had about your name, your room, and what it was going to be like being a mommy an daddy again.  Don't think that our sadness is your fault because it's not.  I still don't know what happened, but a part of me wants to believe this happened to spare your mommy and me lots of hurt.  When you see God, please ask Him to comfort mommy; she really needs it right now.  Your mommy and I really miss you; you'll always be in our hearts.                                                                          Eternal Love,                                                                          Daddy