I didn't get much sleep last night. Tonight, I my wife and I are meeting with a specialist and child psychologist. I think this is the beginning of getting my son diagnosed. He has many of the flags of falling under the autism syndrome, and I am nervous about this meeting.

I don't know what goes into a diagnosis, and I'm still not sure if I'm ready to hear what a diagnosis might say. No matter what the news is, I know it will be good for my son because we can then focus our efforts to help him more closely.

Even if my son is diagnosed with some form of autism or autism spectrum (is there a difference?), it makes him no less my son. I will still love him, unconditionally. He is the best little boy a daddy could ask for (and I always tell him this), and nothing anybody says can change how I feel about him.

But I am still scared for him. I'm scared for what the diagnosis might be. Part of the fear is fear of the unknown. What does this all mean? What can a diagnosis do for getting him the help he needs? What exactly is an IFSP versus an IEP? I want my son to have every opportunity in this world, but I'm just not sure how to go about giving him these opportunities. I'm also scared that I may not know how to give him these opportunities. I'm trying to be the best dad I can be for him; I'm just not sure how under the circumstances. The love will always be there, and I guess that is the most important thing for a child.

This is all so tiring. This is all so stressful. I often find myself getting emotional, but that's the only way I can deal with my feelings right now. I guess it just boils down to the fact that my son is the greatest gift given to me, a precious little gift that needs my help, and I'm here to give it to him, no matter how tired and stressed out I get. I love him too much to do any less.