Day 9
Ok I had to sit here and type everything that im feeling. had a great day but now tonight had a major panic attack at my boyfriends house. It had been a while since i had an attack like that so it was disappointing for sure. I thought i saw lines and then it threw me off and is tarted sweating cold and from there the anxiety just took over. I always feel like im about to die or pass out or something. It makes me feel helpless and i didnt really know what to do. Then my stomach goes queasy and to the bathroom I go. I also feel nauseaus. My boyfriend laid with me in his bed and we listened to guided meditation and i did some deep breathing. He fell asleep but I couldnt as he had his arm around me and I didnt want to tell him not to do that. He is so understanding. When the one hr meditation was done I got up, drank water, and woke him up to tell him I had to leave. I have this weird little headache now. Oh, also forgot to share that I shake like crazy when panicking. I left his home and ran three small laps around his parking lot. Figured Id get some of that energy out from the adrenaline. I am home and took my prozac and birth control. The panic has lifted but I do feel edgy. Ugh. I can pinpount several different things that may have triggered by attack. I went to a meditation class today and had to think about people that hurt me in the past, including my parents, so that brought back memories. I also have work scheduled tomorrow (im a contractor) and the case involves sexual abuse and I really am tired of these depressing cases. Third, I was thinking about my finances and how taxes are coming and I will be hit with a huge bill. Forth, I had some chai tea and a desert and the caffeine and sugar may have gotten to me. Fourth, my meds are still figuring out my body. Fifth- I just have panic attacks once in a while.
Replies
I totally understand. First of all, stress is in my opinion the biggest factor in anxiety. Second, I have experienced deep emotions after meditation. I think it brings to the surface thoughts and feelings that you need to rid yourself of. It can be uncomfortable, but is necessary, I think. Also, I would say stay away from caffeine like the plague until your medication kicks in and you really start to feel better. I have had to make the decision to cut out caffeine because it just kickstarts my anxiety symptoms. I think you sound a lot like me, a very rational person trying to understand your body\'s responses to things. It is so difficult, but hang in there because it will get better. I have been on my new antidepressant for 21 days now, and it is only in the last couple of days that all of a sudden I have had a massive reduction in symptoms. You will have that breakthrough, too. You just hang on, because it will get better.
You are brilliantly philosophical about your panic attack. I find that inspiring. I wish I had that much common sense in the moment. As it is I just want to hurl myself off the nearest tall building or run crying to my mummy.
I\'m really glad to hear you have an understanding boyfriend. I hope all the drugs and such work out for you and tomorrow\'s case isn\'t too misery causing.
:)