I ran out of Prozac 20 mg and had to schedule and appointment with the pcp because she was the only who gave it to me. They wouldn't renew it bc it had been too long since she had seen me. I didnt mind going bc I needed to see someone and get their opinion. Plus I feel like she is the closest to "knowing me"- as far as doctors go. So I explained that I had written down a list of my symptoms, since I tend to zone out and forget what they are. She sat down in front of my and asked me what my symptoms of depression were, followed by my symptoms of anxiety. She took notes as I spoke and nodded and it felt like she was listening to me. She told me that we should increase my prozac from 20 to 40 mg. I completely agree but I am SO scared of the side effects. I guess its my anxiety speaking but what if I get suicidal? what if my anxiety increased? depression increased? I feel like shit already, would I be able to handle it? Im just so scared and feel a bit lost and very alone. My friends and family are probably tired of hearing me talk about how I feel. I know something has to be done. Ive been searching online but it seems like its full of horror stories. The people that are pleased dont really log on and write about their emotions. At least I didnt for years while I stable. I am also seeing a counselor and she helps but I cant afford to go every week. Once the doctors appointment was over I thanked the doctor for listening to me. I felt the tears coming and I stopped myself because I didn't want to cry in front of her. In the car I tried crying but I just couldn't. I wish I had stayed with that emotion and got it all out. My head is so heavy right now and Ive taken two long naps today. I just feel exhausted. I spent time with my nephew and it made me sad that I cant engage for long- I just feel so overloaded. I want to have kids some day so it made me feel sad that I react that way.