Day 1

I can't even begin to fathom how this all went so terribly wrong.  Him seeing this girl, talking with her, his interest in her...it's absolutely destroying me.  I can't think about anything else, I can't eat without feeling sI know, I can't function.  I really truly just want to crawl in a hole and disappear and to make matters worse...he didn't want this.  He wanted me forever.  He loved me.  He never would have turned his back on me, but I wouldn't quit lying and for stupid shit.  Always my job...becasue I didn't want to stress him or upset him.  The lies upset and stressed him more...why the hell couldn't I figure that out.  Why did it take him meeting and being with someone new for me to pull my head out of my ass that nothing is more important than my husband and my family.  I just don't know where to go or what to turn to.  I've lied, cheated and stole any and all happiness.  The thought of holding on to any hope of restitution seems absolutely asinine but the thought of giving up and losing him forgive is so crippling I can't even go there. I want to hate this person he's met but I also so desperately want him to find his peace and happiness that I can't do that.  I am an absolute disaster and have no solutions or any idea what to do.  Please Lord help!