I went to counseling, of my own accord, for the first time yesterday. And it wasn't bad. My counselor didn't make me cry or scare me, and that's a big step. He even suggested that if I come back we can schedule 20-minute appointments as opposed to an hour since talking makes me extremely nervous. He suggested that I write down when the sad hits, what I'm doing, etc., so that we can figure out what triggers it and try to combat it and learn healthy coping skills.
He asked me what I want out of counseling, and that question is the reason I'm dreading going back. I don't know what I want or what I'm supposed to want. I want to feel happy, but I don't know what true happy feels like and I'm not sure that's really something that I'm supposed to entrust to my counselor. I don't really know anything. I hate that question.
But all in all, it was an okay session, minus my stabbing my fingernails repeatedly into my fingers as a result of nerves. But ya know.It's a step in the right direction, I think.