it has been an hard winter. We moved to a city that has public tran and I have access to handycap pick up and drop of directly to my house and to dr. visits. that is a praise.
I was finally diagnosed and treated for what is really causing the pain in my legs and hips. Deep vaginal syndrome. I have scar tissue inside all the way across my abdomen where the uterus was removed. The hysto messed up my hips, thighs muscles and the spasms from this are hellish. It is a cold hateful constant pain.
Now with the correct dianoses i am going to specialized therapy called Advanced PT. It is a long hard road back.
The tbi compounds my motivation. I feel hopeless. I can not get better and i have not hope of a better life. I lose my hope to finish a life goal. The sorrow is deep and nothing feels the hole. I find things to distract for moments.
I was excited about the move but after reality set in we are really not better off; we traded one set of awful ness for another set of awerful problems. that is not how it was suppose to work.
The tbi and hsyo pain and the move and money is causing a strain on our marrage. He can life with what ever. I can not.
None of the curtains from our precvious house will fit the windows in this house. I do not have the energy to try and rework the fabric and it would be a major job. the window in this new house are corner windows , a pain. the sun room has not been a joy, had to have the roof and base board areas repaired, repplaced and sealed, stressful ordeal worrying over water getting into the house. I think if i had not thrown a fit my sweet husband would have just ignored the water issues.
I know it is better to be living in a bigger city but i resent being forced to move becasue a commcercial busy was allwed to build beside my little house. it was a nighmare for my tbi head and then the constant noise them having build so close to our house. we sold our little house but we did not get much for it; bearly enough to make a down payment on this stupid house. That we can not afford to fix up. I hate this house. My husband said we would be able to afford to deal with the issues. i was doubtful; he did not have a clue as to the costs. well now here i sit in a house that is not happy and everywhere i look it needs repairs and beautifcations. I am miserable.
My husband is not a handyman. I no longer am able to ! I hate my life. I do not want to be at this place in my life having to worry over house stuff. House repairs are a worry, Having a house and decorating are no longer joys.
I am trying to find ways to break these sad and hopeless feelings. I am not at peace. The cost of peace is expensive.
I have lost my freedom, strength, hope, I wait the days out.
The pain sits with me.
I was finally diagnosed and treated for what is really causing the pain in my legs and hips. Deep vaginal syndrome. I have scar tissue inside all the way across my abdomen where the uterus was removed. The hysto messed up my hips, thighs muscles and the spasms from this are hellish. It is a cold hateful constant pain.
Now with the correct dianoses i am going to specialized therapy called Advanced PT. It is a long hard road back.
The tbi compounds my motivation. I feel hopeless. I can not get better and i have not hope of a better life. I lose my hope to finish a life goal. The sorrow is deep and nothing feels the hole. I find things to distract for moments.
I was excited about the move but after reality set in we are really not better off; we traded one set of awful ness for another set of awerful problems. that is not how it was suppose to work.
The tbi and hsyo pain and the move and money is causing a strain on our marrage. He can life with what ever. I can not.
None of the curtains from our precvious house will fit the windows in this house. I do not have the energy to try and rework the fabric and it would be a major job. the window in this new house are corner windows , a pain. the sun room has not been a joy, had to have the roof and base board areas repaired, repplaced and sealed, stressful ordeal worrying over water getting into the house. I think if i had not thrown a fit my sweet husband would have just ignored the water issues.
I know it is better to be living in a bigger city but i resent being forced to move becasue a commcercial busy was allwed to build beside my little house. it was a nighmare for my tbi head and then the constant noise them having build so close to our house. we sold our little house but we did not get much for it; bearly enough to make a down payment on this stupid house. That we can not afford to fix up. I hate this house. My husband said we would be able to afford to deal with the issues. i was doubtful; he did not have a clue as to the costs. well now here i sit in a house that is not happy and everywhere i look it needs repairs and beautifcations. I am miserable.
My husband is not a handyman. I no longer am able to ! I hate my life. I do not want to be at this place in my life having to worry over house stuff. House repairs are a worry, Having a house and decorating are no longer joys.
I am trying to find ways to break these sad and hopeless feelings. I am not at peace. The cost of peace is expensive.
I have lost my freedom, strength, hope, I wait the days out.
The pain sits with me.
Replies
if you could move, i could set you up with something down here. cheap. there is a mobile park with houses and mobiles and owner financing as low as $100 per month with NO CREDIT CHECK and a $400 lot rent, with full public transportation.
there are cheap homes on the market all the time with door to door public trans for $2 that i just recently found out about for someone else. lots of things like that in florida.
if you or your spouse were 62 you could do a reverse or reverse purchase and never pay a mortgage again for the rest of your life, just taxes and insurance. lots of stuff, that people don\'t know about.
how about blinds for the windows? how about the free section of craigslist or freestyle and see what is there? at some point there may be something?
hope it all works out for you. glad you sold your home, especially in this market. the other area that has jobs and a lot going on is san antonio, texas. i know someone who just moved back there again. let me know how you are doing? glad they finally diagnosed you properly? can they give you pain meds or correct what was wrong? luvya sweetie, xxoo
I am on pain meds and have been able to reduce the meds intake. but today the pain spiked. did not get a blasted thing done and the pain has made me worrysome. We got a house in a good neigorhood but the people did not do upkeep. people seem to forget that owning a house means upkeep. it is overwhelming. I want to get back on my feet so to speak and get out of the sad bad attitude. I am so resentful of not being able to just take care of my life the way i want. I keep busy knitting and when the weather is warm i have flower beds to clean or try to set in order since the move. we did move all my irises and they are looking happy and healthy. take care dear friend.
I came across your journal entry. I\'m so sorry for what you\'re going through! I hope you get some relief from the Advanced PT. I also hope things improve with your living situation. It\'s always hard to adjust to a move but even more so with health limitations. ((Hugs))