Not much has changed in the pain ; it still consumes most of the hours of my days.   8 or so years ago when I had the tbi  I dealt with it.  then after the hystorectamy this hatefull evil pain was triggered and the drs can not find where it is originating at.  The pressure from something on some other place or organ is the worse pain.  day after day . hour after hour.  
I am angry at the lose of time and joy,  to just sit and enjoy flowers blooming... the pain screams, I beg God for mercy and healing,  the pain screams on and on , 
the pain screams from my hips down my legs.  I can not think through the pain.  I am sick with nasia as the pain escalates. 
The drs do not give enough meds to cover the pain.   I finally get  a med to cover the pain and it works for a while.  The pain spikes over the meds.   I am so discouraged. 
We have liked where we lived until recently.  We planned to move some time in the future.  And then we finally decide to make the big decision to move and the housing market crashes.   And the city allowed a business to build in the middles of residential area.  And now we can not sell our property for what it is worth; you would think it would have gone up; sighs and frustrations. 
We want to move to a near by larger city that has public transportation.  Why does this have to be so blasted hard.   I feel like have been a trooper dealing with the tbi, and then the stupid hysterectomy and  dealing with trying to find people to take me to the dr.  so sorry to be a burden.  But i can not get well without some medical help.  I could cope much better if i was not in this PAIN.   It has finally used up my happychi. 
For a little while i was able to get above the pain and take hold of a few hours here and there and make a point to be present with friends and family, enjoy a moment dispite the pain... but the persistent exhausting debilitating pain wins today and tomorrow and until some how either God or a dr finds a solution.   We all know when we have come to a point, we have used all our external and internal resources and we know we are used up.  I have come to that desolate place.  God oh God where are You.  Have you forsake me?  
I look out and see a world forsaken.  I am only a drone in this God made earthly hive.  Life here is more painful that i could have ever imaged as a child.  I believed God was more benevolent ; that he healed.  I prayed with belief i would be healed and i have been afflicted with more debilitations.  And it has broken my heart and hope. 
I look out and I see sky and trees.  Life put in motion and left to live or die.  Where are you God today?  I need you today.  I asked every day for Your healing.  I sit here in screaming pain. 
When is the day for a praise party?  When does this pain stop and life is more than being held in the grips of an extreme pain?  Oh God:  This prayer is for all that know a pain that separates us from living joyful and from You.  God pls heal us. thank you and praises. in Jesus, amen.