It has been a rough and messy couple of months.  The brain changes that started in September seem to be started to calm down.  My left eye sight had gotten worse in September and has cleaned up some, less fuzzy.   I am at the tell end of my peroid so whlile i feel better I am over whelmed by all that need to be caught up with. I have not sleep well in weeks.  Some do to not feeling well, but mostly due to the neighbors dogs barking all night long and then most of the day.   I need sleep.  We have  complained and complained and even called the city.  We have ordances here that people are to keep their dogs quite at night.    I have short term memory issues and they have been mostly with current event such as what my husband said you me a few days ago or a few hours ago.  I have trouble keeping up with long converstations.   Yesterday someone asked me when I graudated from collage and I could not remember.  At the time I did not make a deal about it just asked my husband when I graduated and then went on with the converstation with the person.  Even now as I am journaling i can not remember when i gruaduated or what year my husband and i married, hum.   It is scary and upsetting not to be able to remember.   I need to write the info in my note book of things I want to remember.   I do not feel very good today but that is par the course.  But hey I do feel better than say a year ago or even a few days ago in the mist of pms.  So while i may not get much accomplished today it is a better day some how.   I have not been able to see well enough to read but a few sentences at a time.  Part of the seeing issues the dr. says is really attention.  My brain will not stay attentive.  I want  to read; my brain will read a few sentinces and become tired.  The brain will not focus on what i am looking at.  The words swerl, move on the page, disapear.  I have to strenthen my brain and make it work.  It is good to take a nap after even what seems like a little brain work out.  It helps to tough the words as I read.  Reading is important to me so I will keep trying.  Before this last brain change I was up to reading a chapter.  I will work my brain back to being strong again.  The speach machine i use to help with vocab and speach wears me out fast.  I am up to 10 cards before my brain just shuts down and I am so tired.  I use the machine once or twice a week.  I am using a childs educatonal toy called SMart TALk.  It is better than the speach therapist.   I can work on the machine when i want and the pronouciatons are correct.  And long term the machine is less expensive than speach therapy.  It may be a child's educational toy but it is a very good tool for speach and releaning vocabulary! What ever it takes.  I know I am very glad to have this machine.    What i need most is physical therapy.  I will try to get this theapy when my medicare activates and i will have transportation provided to dr. and medical visits.  The waiting is too long.  I am trying hard to excerse weekly with a friend.  I am so greatful for Reba for coming three times a week and doing Tai Chi with me.  I use to teach Tai chi.   Maybe some day I will be able to again.  It is one of my goals.  My goals are to paint, tai chi, and return to school.   I am painting and I am tai ch'ing weekly.  While it will be some time before I return to school  I am reading and learning about various subjects.  I menader through the libary and take home a collection of books.I had my hair timmed. I wear it turned under.  I like it undercut.  Simple and easly to care for.  The hair styleist butchered my hair this last time;  it will not style under.  Driving me nuts.  Just have to wait till it grows out and I will go to my husband's stylest next time.This week I will paint.  I hope to finish some tulip paintings i started last month.  I have an outing with my mother in law one day this week and I have another outing planned with a friend for later in the week to deal with errands.Ben (one of the cat children) is picking on Hobs.  We are having to intervene and redirect their behavoir. Precious is as usual making life crazyier.     I had my fit with God and am still standing; everyone ealse sorta moved away from me. sure that lighinting was going to strike.  lol.  Just so mad at all the suffering that is going on; my heart just ackes and my eyes cry with every one of you.  This week I was told of a lady who gave birth to a baby.  During giving birth her blood pressure went to high and she had a bad stroke.  The baby is fine but the mother is brain damaged.  I am so angey and full of tears.   I thought about the fact that I believe in a God that allows all this aweful stuff to happen.  I have no answers.  I keep praying.  In all this crazyness there is goodness and we can be apart of that which is good.  I am so thankfull for your friendship.  You guys are the best.  I am drinking a cupa tea and Ben is in my lap.   A must read book:  "Deal Breakers" by Dr. Bethany Marshall.