Well here goes: How the AVM has manifested itself in my brain and how it effects my day to day life. Right side of body is weaker, short term memory issues, Visual loss, Legally Blind, My world is like looking through lenses smeared with Vascaline ( I have had some improvement in my vision. There is some hearing loss and it seems to be improved. )

Spatial issues: depth perception is off, my world is flat, objects are off from where I see them and reach for them, total blindness in the right corners of both eyes. (A year and an half after the AVM I am seeing objects cleaner and depth perception, is while not normal, is much better. My painting have a very muted and flatness to them. I was able to mix my own colors for the first time. I had just been using straight pigment color and mixing a little white or Paynes gray to make light or dark. A few weeks ago I saw an Indian Red dogwood tree and the color was love at first sight. I was so please that I could mix the color and I was satisfied with the results. It was one of those wonderful moments of I did it.

Neural visual issues: objects move, jitter, and swirl. When I try to read after about 10 minutes the words begin to move about and as my eye brain becomes tired it will just quit and I can not see to understand the words in front of me.

I have found touching the words with my finger helps me see the word(s).

I love to read and this reading for 10 minutes is for the birds. I love to devour books; so now I have to savor a bit slower. Before I would have stayed up all night and read a book, now it can take me a month(s) to read a book. Thankfully I have a good relationship with the local Library. ( A year and an half later I am reading for about 30 minutes before my eye brain up and quits seeing.)

When my eyes begin to clear enough I could see written words I discovered I had pervasive vocabulary loss. I have been able to relearn the meaning of the words. To encourage myself to read I was reading funny love novels; I was having to look up two words a page. It became tiresome having to stop and look up so many words, But I knew it was the way to go.

My memory had lost the names of flowers and plants. I had to relearn the flowers and plants in my garden.

I also lost the pronunciations of some words. When the word is said to me I was able to relearn it. I have a childs education toy called a Speak Easy that has helped me with speech and vocabulary. I sought out the machine because insurance would not provide enough therapy. It was amazing the first day I used the machine. I could feel my brain moving with energy. I can study about 10 cards at a time and have to nap afterwards. It is so hard to believe how taxing everything is to do.

MATH; hahahahaha, what is that! Pervasive math and number issues. Had to relearn how to dial a phone. The numbers just disappear off the face of the phone pad. I love that our phone has programmed phone numbers; I just look for the name and hit the dial button. My husband now has to help with the budget and paying bills. We converted to an automatic bill pay system; it is wonderful.

I fought with trying to relearn math and decided it was not worth killing myself over. I would chose my battles!! And my battle came in the worst way for me. I lost the ability I did have to draw, paint, color theory just gone. But not my love for art. I restudied colors, and took up painting anyway. My triumph I told myself was that I painted. Those first painting where shocking to me; smears of paint that I had intended to be something concrete. I hurt so bad inside when I saw the loss on the canvas. \

A loving gift of a Chinese paint set encouraged me to keep trying to paint. I had studied the art some but now it is a daily part of my playing in paints.

Crocheting small items like house shoes, and caps has helped me with counting. I also crochet a simple shell stitch shawl that is done in counts of threes. I am able to count to 30 easily now, but at first it was so ridiculously hard.

I have relearned my left and right. I have to be careful when I eat green beans. There is a swallowing issue. There are muscles not working. I need therapy for this. I will see about reading how to strengthen those muscles. I know opera lessons, giggles. Probably in all seriousness some voices lessons would be good for such.

A few thought on short term memory loss. It sucks. Before I could remember if something was so and I could remember the conversation, now I am not able to.

The scariest part has been concerning taking meds. I would not remember if i had taken them or not and honestly thought i had not. My husband had to give me my meds. I am able to use a pill box now and i can see if i have taken my meds. If the pill is gone that means i have already taken it and not to take another.

I also am not allowed to cook using the stove or oven unless supervised. It always baffled me how someone could be cooking and walk off and forget they are cooking; well I now understand because I have done it! How we have adjusted to me not cooking. It was not a big deal for my husband; I did not cook much for him as he is a too picky eater. He was fending for himself anyway. I now eat a lot of prefab meals. I try to choose healthy prefab meals. The local health food store has some and Lean Cuisine has a fair menu.

I write everything on my calendar and my friends know if I am to remember a date that I need to put it on the calendar. I am not sure how well I am comprehending what I read but we will find out when I try to go back to school. ( I read a book recently and went back and reread it and found lots of places I did not remember at all in the story.)

Going back to school is one of my goals. It is very scary putting that out here for you to read, but here it is. I want to go back to school! My three main goals are to keep exercising, paint, and go to school.