Hello to all. I was just wandering around the neighborhood checking on all of my friends here at DS. I found that the most, well....all of us are starting to feel the blues, it is that time of the season again. I know I feel the blues coming on strong and I am running so fast in the other direction, 12 hour days and lots of work to keep me busy when I am not at work. What can I say? I am not prepared to deal with another holiday without my baby. I am always the one that has to smile my way through it and keep everyone happy.I have buried myself in my work and so has Wayne. I think this is our way of dealing with the deep depression of the holidays.I miss my baby more than ever, specially now that Tina is almost a teen and Hunter is finally coming to grips with the fact that his Dad is not coming back. He never calls and Hunter rarely talks about him now. My heart breaks for my little grandson, him and his bald patches.We are putting in no less than 12 hour days and loving every minute of it. I guess staying busy really does help the time pass by. I miss our chats here but you all need to know that you pass through my thoughts often. I am off to the shower, time for my nightly cry, got to get it out somehow, can't keep it in and possibly let anyone at the new job see that I am human.Hugs to all, see you later.MAyLyn,I miss you so much during the holidays. Your Dady and I wonder where the past three years have gone without you here to help us celebrate your favorite two holidays. Your sister talks more about you, that's a good thing.Your Daddy keeps everything inside, but I know what is on his mind and how he thinks of you all the time.Your babies are wonderful, Tina is so smart and beautiful, Hunter is really smart and beautiful too. I thought I might ask you to visit him in his dreams and tell him it is okay to love us with all his heart and let him know that we are never ever gonna leave him alone in this world. We will always come home to him, and he can always come home to us.I am so glad that you were here for the time that you were and yes I am a selfish Momma. I want you back again to share all of these special things with the kids together. But I know, I remember that horrible day when it dawned on me that you would never grace my house in the physical form again, oh how I cried. I still cry when I remember the pain of how much that moment hurt.I love you sweets, I miss you terribly and I look forward to the day we are back together again. All my love and smooches to you pretty girl.Love from your Momma PLH
Replies
I think it\'s a wonderful thing that you were able to take your daughter\'s children, your grandchildren and give them a home and love. It must be so hard on you both dealing with your grief and all.
When I read about your grandson not coming to you and such it reminded me of myself when I was taken from my parents. I was seven, and I was afraid to let anyone in because I didn\'t want to attach or love if they were going to just leave. So he is probably scared of losing both you and your husband as well. It\'s just so hard on children. I\'m so sorry that this had to happen to any of you. Not only should a parent have to bury their child, but a child shouldn\'t have to lose a parent so young! I never thought I would bury my daughter so young. I hoped never would I see that day, because it\'s just not suppose to work that way.
I just think that you are an amazing, strong, loving, woman. And I am proud of all you are doing for your family. I am sure that your grandson will come around. He will see that your love is unconditional and that he can\'t chase you away, and he will come to you for the love he wants needs and craves. God bless you all, and I will keep you all in my prayers. Lots of hugs.
Candice
You are doing all you can do. May God grant you his grace as you deserve it. I think of you and pray for you regularly, just holding as you run. Love and hugs Cathy
Wiping the tears....Wishing you peace and strength
Wishing you a peaceful week. I know it must be hart with the commute, new job and househunting.
Goodluck,
Ann
Jacqueline,
Heartfelt journal! Most days I am @ the acceptance stage, realizing my son will not be back.Some days I think if I will it , it will happen, so far it has not worked.
I keep real busy too, seems to be the only way to get through this journey. I have more days that I feel ok but I am still so afraid of feeling like I did in the begining.I do not ever want to feel that excrutiating pain again.
The holidays will be hard for all of us but there is nothing that we can do to make them go away. Hugs, Inga