Greetings

At the beginning of a new week now, and yes I had a great week with the start of my new job at the new casino. I have been put in charge of training all of the dealers and the floor people, getting them all up to speed with Harlow's way's. trying to make sure we are all reading the same PAGE of the same BOOK.

At the present time I have a dozen floor people and almost 50 dealers to work with, 14 of which deal craps and 15 of which are fresh out of school and have never dealt on a live game before. The level of excitment is very high and work flies by without making me so tired I am physically hurting. What a relief, but then I knew I would have a great time with this job.

I had three different battles to accomplish this past week and for the first time in over 6 years what I had to say really meant something and made a difference. I counted!!! And it felt wonderful! MayLyn would have been so very proud of me! I have missed her terribly this past week, she was always my staunchest supporter, always had something positive to say to me and always knew how to make me smile. I miss that the most I think.

I received much praise from my superiors this week, commending me on a job well done. I was lucky enough to have exactly what they needed done right when they thought to ask for it. My foresight was connected for the first time in several years! It was glorious, I had so forgotten what it felt like to be on top of my game, or maybe it was just what it felt like to be appreciated, either was fine with me, I was a grinner this past week, that's for sure.

Our car broke down in Greenville Friday night, what a drag that was.  It got a hole in some sort of receiving tube or line, either way, it could not be driven home and we were stuck far from home without a ride home. There we were in front of the admin. building wondering what was gonna happen and we looked up there was my boss and Wayne's boss, both of them there to insure that nothing happened to us. They called a local guy to come get the car and take it to his shop and fix. Wayne's boss called a friend in Nashville to come and fly us home in his jet, of course we refused because my boss asked if we would like to stay the night at their house, they had to go to Vicksburg the following day and they would take us home. We have another car that we can drive to work and it was the least invasive thing for us to do. I hate to impose on anyone for anything. We did have a very nice visit and it gave me a chance to hang out with Jim and Charlotte. They are the coolest people I have ever met in my life, we are so grateful and so blessed to have them in our lives.

Hunter didn't fare so well while we were gone, even though we spoke to him on the phone several times he acted out badly, not listening to his Auntie and beating up on his younger cousins. You can always see his insecurities rise to the surface when he thinks that either of us are leaving him, if we are not where we should be when he thinks we should be there. It breaks my heart. I have not figured out how to fix this for him yet. We are always re-assuring him that we are coming home, always. And that we will never ever leave him. Any suggestions out there? I do have one of my friends' sons who is 15 come and take him over to his house about twice a month for some football and outside boy activities, it helps but it is not enough. Lots of hugs and kisses and one on one time with him. So far it is slow going. He has started losing his hair in patches, he has five bald spots on his head now, smooth as a babies butt. I have talked to his dr. and read up on it, it is stress related, he just has to work through it is all.There is no cure or shampoo or miracle pill. Just lots of love and supervision for now. Hopefully, eventually he will be okay.

I wanted to let everyone know that I will not be around as much as I would like to because I am really working hard to get my new job off to the right start and it includes a long drive, long hours, and house hunting still, looking for a decent place to move all 7 of us. I am so picky, but you have to be right? I am responsable for more than just me here. I miss each and everyone of you.

I will probably only make it here once a week the way things are going right now, but it will have to be enough for now. After we open things will eventually settle down and then we can get back to normal, or my definition of normal anyhow. I am doing really good right now and I feel splendid! I have been waiting for this for a very long time. I still have those moments when I feel guilty for wanting to feel alive again and thinking maybe I am not respecting my Daughters memory, but I now know in my heart that MayLyn would have wanted me to pick my ass up off the ground and get on with my life. It will be better for all of us in the long run, especially the kids. I still have my times when I hide in my room, cry in the shower and wish for her to be here with me, only not as often now. From what I have read here at DS, that is very normal, and not a bad thing at all.

Please send me many hugs, I love the hugs and when I get back on in a week I will reciprocate.

Much love always

your friend always

Jacqueline

PLH

MayLyn's Momma

My dearest MayLyn, I have missed you so much this past week, so much to share with you about all the new emotions I have experienced. I know you would have been happy for me and for your Daddy too. The kids are doing great in school, straight A's for Hunter and all A's and B's for Tina (6th grade is a little harder than 1st ). I will chat at you before bed tonight as usual. Much love and hugs and kisses to you from me, Momma. Sweet Dreams Baby Girl.