Wayne finally came home tonight from being gone for three days of work up in Greenville. I missed him terribly. Now I am sitting here beside his sleeping body wishing I could go to sleep too. Tomorrow will be a big day for us, we are hoping to get lucky and find our new home around Lake Providence in LA.

A beautiful place this Lake Providence is and I would love it if we got lucky enough to find the right home perfect for all of us. I have been stressing over the small things this past week trying to get ready for going to work up north next Wednesday. I hate having to do the majority of this without Wayne but I guess there is a reason for everything.

I just love all of these little test I have to go through, sometimes I feel as though I am trying to prove my sanity. I get so scared to be out wandering around by myself that I have a hard time breathing, but I keep putting one foot in front of the other, who wants to look like a pansy? Not me...well, sometimes I feel like a big ole pansy! I want my Wayne with me or Alexsis, anyone just so I don't have to be alone! MayLyn used to go everywhere with me, she usually made me feel as though she was protecting me not the other way around. I miss her so much, she would have loved helping us to find a new home and decorating it and fixing it up. Where is she when I need her now? I know, I know, but I still want her back dammit!

I am gonna lay down and count the corners in my room again, hopefully I will fall asleep before it is time to get up. I have a huge workload coming up this week and I really wnt to be ready for it. I appreciate you listening to me rant again and again, forever my friends.

Love Jacqueline PLH MayLyn's Momma

Goodnight my sweet daughter, I miss you terribly and yes I am whining about wanting you here with me and the family to help get all of these errands done quicker and better. I do try my best baby girl I promise. I close my eyes and try to hear your heartbeat in my head, it always calmed me when you would lay down beside me on the bed and curl up to take a nap when you were not in pain. I have found myself missing that alot lately, and missing our talks we used to have about life without pain. Hugs to you my sweets, love Mommy