Wow, I have read so many journals tonight. I have cried, not sure why. I think it just builds up and things add up and I get to that breaking point again. I admire so many of you for your strength and courage when I know and we know how hard this road really is to travel. I wish so many times that my child was here to see certain things happen, or just to sit beside me and comfort me like in the past. I wish for that hug or that kiss, and know it will never be again.I am grateful for the now and wish for the past, but I know like you do that it will never be. Maybe that is why I cry, who knows. There is so much now that is different. I can deal with the now, but I still wish for the past. Is this norm? Am I okay? I still get freightened with the prospect of my future and what it might hold. Can I hang on? Do I really have the strength? Who knows? Who can I ask?I have so many un-answered questions today, I wish they would all go away for awhile, or forever, yep that would work, forever.My love to you all.Jacqueline PLH MayLyn's Momma
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Hi Jacqueline,
I know the feeling. I\'ve been feeling the same lately. I wonder if it is yet another stage? I\'ve been angry and unsure of myself, questioning every move!! Wow, so unlike me, and it is scarely! I have read alot of anger on DS this week, a lot of missing our children and a lot of fear. Makes you think it has to be a stage of grieving.
I have\'t heard from you for a while, when that happens, it usually means that a new stage is either here or on the horizon. The thing I have learned in the past 18 months, is that somehow we make it through these stages. I don\'t how sometimes, but they seem to pass in there own time, just as they arrived. I hope you feel better. Have a good week end. Take care. Dawn
Sweetie i am so sorry that you are feeling so sad and my heart breaks fore you!! the answer to your quesction about can you hang on and the one !! thing that i think you should do is pray and thats who you can ask for all your pain and you will see you sweet daughter again one day shes with you everyday in your heart and in your mind and i beleive shes watching over you sweetie, she your gardien Angel !! my daughter jamie is 29 and just found out that shes in the 3rd stage of cervic cancer and i\'m trying so hard to stay strong !!its not easy,she was here in wi with us but then she just got up on sunday last week and moved back to oklahoma :( an i mean it is like a knife in my stommic but i have to stay strong ! i will sure be praying fore you sweetie and may god bless you and all you beautiful children! leigh
I am sorry you are sad. I understand and feel the same about everything your wrote. Your journal was like I wrote it myself. Thanks for all your kindness. love lucille
I long for the past as well, if it\'s not normal than many,many of us are not quote unquote \"normal\" I think we long for the pasr because our children were there then and the future streches away like a desolute wasteland where they are not there. It\'s too scarey to contemmplate a future without them. I know that you know that they will not be back but it\'s hard to look forward to a never ending supply of days with that as the focal point. I pray this too will pass, but not quickly I think . love and hugs Cathy