There is something I have recently realized. The feelings I have been harboring about my Mom concerning my Daughters funeral.
I guess I am thinking alot about Mom, she is slowly dying from Alzheimers, as of the past 4 months it has gotten realy terrible.
First off, we were forced to put her into a mursing facility (lock-down) because she would take off from the property and hitch-hike into town, have whoever picked her up take her to the hospital in the next county, run in and tell the emergency room nurses that the people in the car that dropped her off were stalking her and wanted to hurt her.
The day she was admitted was the day after MayLyn's funeral. To the end she will never realize her first grandchild had left, forever. It was a Blessing I think, she would have cried terribly hard and long, my oldest was her favorite I guess. Ah yes, then her 1st grand daughter gave her the first Great Grand son, and the first boy in our family in 42 years.
Tonight they are transporting my Mother from the ICU at one hospital to another hospital up north's ICU. She fell a few weeks back and broke her foot. They put her foot back together with wire and stitches, casted it and went about there way.
I drove 6 hours to go see my Dad and Brother, and yes, my Mother. When I saw her, I saw that her face was severly swollen and she was hot to the touch, they had given her morophene for pain and she was in a wheelchair, looking horriby sick. I got scared. I called the nurse, he wasn't any help.
So I called my Brother and told him she had to go to the emergency room now, and he took her.
It has been downhill for her ever since. I have gabbed enough for tonight. I think I need a glass of wine.
My point to sum up I think was the epiphany I had about how desperatly I wanted to grieve with my Mother, and never got to. I had no-one other than my Wayne and my youngest girl.
I never realized how much I missed that...till now.
I guess I am thinking alot about Mom, she is slowly dying from Alzheimers, as of the past 4 months it has gotten realy terrible.
First off, we were forced to put her into a mursing facility (lock-down) because she would take off from the property and hitch-hike into town, have whoever picked her up take her to the hospital in the next county, run in and tell the emergency room nurses that the people in the car that dropped her off were stalking her and wanted to hurt her.
The day she was admitted was the day after MayLyn's funeral. To the end she will never realize her first grandchild had left, forever. It was a Blessing I think, she would have cried terribly hard and long, my oldest was her favorite I guess. Ah yes, then her 1st grand daughter gave her the first Great Grand son, and the first boy in our family in 42 years.
Tonight they are transporting my Mother from the ICU at one hospital to another hospital up north's ICU. She fell a few weeks back and broke her foot. They put her foot back together with wire and stitches, casted it and went about there way.
I drove 6 hours to go see my Dad and Brother, and yes, my Mother. When I saw her, I saw that her face was severly swollen and she was hot to the touch, they had given her morophene for pain and she was in a wheelchair, looking horriby sick. I got scared. I called the nurse, he wasn't any help.
So I called my Brother and told him she had to go to the emergency room now, and he took her.
It has been downhill for her ever since. I have gabbed enough for tonight. I think I need a glass of wine.
My point to sum up I think was the epiphany I had about how desperatly I wanted to grieve with my Mother, and never got to. I had no-one other than my Wayne and my youngest girl.
I never realized how much I missed that...till now.
Replies
Must be really, really tough. I wish things were different for you, but all I can is say I truly care and will be praying.
Hi Lillowyth,
Sorry you having such turmoil right now. These peaks and valleys we go through are awfully wearing at times. Alzheimers is such a troubling disease. You don\'t know exactly what the patient is feeling....not having our life memories, I can\'t imagine....on the other side...not having the pain of bad memories. My heart goes out to you. My folks are 83 and 87, thank goodness are independent still and sharp in mind. They have their senior moments, but who doesn\'t. When our Kristie passed away (their first Granddaughter) my Dad was hurting, I know, but was a rock for me. Kristie as a baby as little as three months old, would react when her Grandpa would walk into the room. Her little arms and legs would be in the air, even if her back was to the door that my Dad entered. The first word out of his mouth, she got excited and happy. There was ALWAYS that special bond between them. I remember once when she was in the hospital when she was about 5 years old, my Dad brought her up a stuffed teddy bear. That was one of her treasures even at age 34 when she passed away. She called the bear \"Goldie\"
The bear is ragged and mangled, but not in her eyes. She would just giggle about it when we told her how she dragged \"Goldie\" everywhere, including the bathtub, once. That was pretty scarry, as Goldie was one of her very favorite and took a while to properly dry out, with the recommendations of all our relatives on how to dry it, as everyone knew how much Kristie loved and treasured her Goildie.
I guess what I may have led up to is that, even though your Mom doesn\'t have any recollection of the death of her granddaughter, and you don\'t have your Mom to help you go through your emotions of MayLyn, you still have the mememories of the interaction of your mother with her granddaughter, and the knowledge of no matter how hard this will get for both of you, she will someday have her precious memories back. Perhaps that thought will help you through this part of your missing the interaction of your Mother during the grieving period.
I hope this helps you, Lillowyth, and I pray for strenghth for you, to make it though this. God Bless you and your family.
My father has alzhiemers also. I know ho w frustrating it can be to not be able to lean on them when you need to talk about the loss of a child.
It is a lonely place to be. I deal with it, and at times it can be very overwhelming, I think I am learning how to cope, at least I know I think I am trying. Which are the good days? The valleys or the peaks? And thanks for the caring words, you are appreciated.
Jacqueline PLH