For almost three years I have hidden myself away in my own little world thinking that even if there were someone with the same circumstances as myself out there they would be doing the same. How wrong I was, and I am glad that I was wrong.In the beginning I spoke to a very nice lady who belongs to a group called The Compassionate Friends here in MS. This group is statewide and maybe even worldwide, I never bothered to check. But they wanted me to come to a few meetings and speak to others about the loss of my daughter MayLyn. My hardest thing to do was go out in public and be around all of those "normal" people. I was becoming a hermit. No more shopping or walking or just being normal. It was the pain of grief, it ruled me for so long. People that knew me would be talking to me and in my head all I could think was "SHUT UP! GO AWAY! DON'T YOU KNOW I JUST LOST MY DAUGHTER?" I had a very hard time functioning after her death. The worst part was that "they" ruled her death "accidental suicide?" What the crap is that? Although she had been sick for several years and had taken so much pain medication. I believe her heart just gave out in her sleep. She was several states away visiting her other family when she passed and my heart cries every night because I wasn't there for her at the moment she passed, and I never got to say "see you later" or "I love you" or anything. Suicide? I have such the hard time understanding this term. I think we all go through the the "what if's." I know I do all the time. These are our babies we are talking about and we all feel that it is our responsability to protect and care for them always. That's why I believe as Parents we can learn to lean on each other for support. No one else in the world that has not experienced this would not understand how very deep the pain really is. It doesn't matter really "how" you lost your baby, only that you "did." One day at time is all I ask for and so far I keep waking up on the greener side of things, even when I am positive I am going to die from a broken heart. Stay healthy and hopefully happiness will be right around the corner.