I drank yesterday. I planned to drink to sleep then slipped up early and ended up drinking two bottles of wine. I hate myself and I hate life right about now. I'm done. I'm not going to do anymore of this drinking late at night anymore for any reason. Giving myself any sort of greenlight to drink brings back the beast and it can strike at any time. 
 
It just came out of nowhere. I was cooking and all of a sudden I missed the ole days, or felt like I did, when I would drink privately all day. I feel very anxious. I can't stand this feeling. I'm serious about making staying sober my top priority first thing in the morning again and if I can't feel the commitment I need to get to work right away, get on this forum and review my list of reason s for quitting.
 
I'm so frustrated! I was doing so well, no obsession anymore. No urges week after week. I thought I was really finished and sober for good :(. Why is life so difficult?! Why do I have this stupid condition to deal with? I hate hate hate myself.