I didn't drink yesterday or get any urges. Today may be harder. Its Monday and I'm dreading work. Facing things I I hate is most triggering for me. When I'm free to do things I like all weekend its much easier to stay sober. I know for some people free time is the worst but doesn't work like that for me anymore.
 
I'm also annoyed. I dreamed last night that I realized drinking was good for me and started at it again only to wake up and find out it still isn't. Those dreams in the past were always a bad sign that I would get a strong craving later that day. I need to be all over this board and extra vigilant today.
 
I just woke up and feel the usual depression and desire to bury myself in bed all day. I should feel better after a cup of coffee and gabapentine kick in. Gabapentine gives me a lift but in eight years I've never abused it or gotten a crazy addiction to it like fantasizing about it the way I did with alcohol and           ambien. I will never take ambien again. For me it was just as bad as alcohol.
The hardest thing for me to deal with in life ever is other people. I'm thinking more and more that I need a job where there are no human beings to deal with or only one or two coworkers I get along with great. There's about 15 people in the room at my current job. There is always going to be one or two people who are making life hell for me in a room that size where I'm forced to mingle. Most people are kind I think but one or two who are out to get me is all is takes to ruin my day.