I'll be writing randomly in my journal every day and will write more than anyone will probably read but this is mostly for my own drinking accountability and tracking progression in other areas of my life.
For 90 days I'm going to start a journal entry telling the truth about what day I'm on of sobriety and if I drank the day before. I slipped up bad yesterday, got a little drunk before work and lucky no one seemed to notice or care, and still employed. I had the worst anxiety this morning. I thought a panic attack was going to hit. Drinking a lot does that to me. The sky is overcast and it's been this way for weeks, depressing as hell.
A bit about myself. I'm a divorced woman in my late 30s living with my parents because I got really behind on my bills and haven't been able to catch up for a while. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression since high school, when it was 10 times worse. One thing good about my depression is that it doesn't last for too long, not the most severe of it anyway. There's no doubt in my mind I would have committed suicide if it lasted for too long. I hope I don't do that. There are people who would really greive.
Also I have all the symptoms of ADD, and test pretty high on online tests, although Ive never been officially diagnosed (only ADD not ADHD). Also I have OCD (NOT OCPD, which people are always confusing with OCD. OCPD is a perfectionistic organized personality and OCD which I have means I worry obsessively over things and feel a need to repeat stuff to alleviate the anxiety. It's a really weird condition and I feel funny trying to explain it to those who don't have it lol. So I usually don't.
As you can imagine it has always interfered with my work at most jobs I've had and I make a lot of mistakes of I'm supposed to be focusing on a task for a long time.
I also have Seasonal Affective disorder and the clouds always up in the sky make me unhappy, seriously unhappy sometimes.
I don't mean to sound like a total downer. My life is quite good some days. I have a sister close in age and little neice and nephew, 1 and 3 that I hang out with a lot. Cutest things on the planet.
I hate my current job. I get harassed and mistreated a bit by women who just hate me for no reason. It really hurts sometimes plus I fear losing my job. I have no motivation today and don't even feel like writing anymore so I'm out for now.
For 90 days I'm going to start a journal entry telling the truth about what day I'm on of sobriety and if I drank the day before. I slipped up bad yesterday, got a little drunk before work and lucky no one seemed to notice or care, and still employed. I had the worst anxiety this morning. I thought a panic attack was going to hit. Drinking a lot does that to me. The sky is overcast and it's been this way for weeks, depressing as hell.
A bit about myself. I'm a divorced woman in my late 30s living with my parents because I got really behind on my bills and haven't been able to catch up for a while. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression since high school, when it was 10 times worse. One thing good about my depression is that it doesn't last for too long, not the most severe of it anyway. There's no doubt in my mind I would have committed suicide if it lasted for too long. I hope I don't do that. There are people who would really greive.
Also I have all the symptoms of ADD, and test pretty high on online tests, although Ive never been officially diagnosed (only ADD not ADHD). Also I have OCD (NOT OCPD, which people are always confusing with OCD. OCPD is a perfectionistic organized personality and OCD which I have means I worry obsessively over things and feel a need to repeat stuff to alleviate the anxiety. It's a really weird condition and I feel funny trying to explain it to those who don't have it lol. So I usually don't.
As you can imagine it has always interfered with my work at most jobs I've had and I make a lot of mistakes of I'm supposed to be focusing on a task for a long time.
I also have Seasonal Affective disorder and the clouds always up in the sky make me unhappy, seriously unhappy sometimes.
I don't mean to sound like a total downer. My life is quite good some days. I have a sister close in age and little neice and nephew, 1 and 3 that I hang out with a lot. Cutest things on the planet.
I hate my current job. I get harassed and mistreated a bit by women who just hate me for no reason. It really hurts sometimes plus I fear losing my job. I have no motivation today and don't even feel like writing anymore so I'm out for now.
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